i'm not a 50 year old woman.

i had one of the most frustrating days of my life today. i'm not saying that to be dramatic in a funny way, like i sometimes do.

i started crying in the middle of work today. at work. in the middle of the day.

crying.

the stress at this job has been messing with my physical health for a little while now (it started with losing hair and has now moved on to more things...)

and now it's messing with my mental health. let me tell you how i know.

i got off way early today and turned on the tv, and oprah was on. a show i never watch, unless i feel like making fun of the middle-aged women who cry when hugh grant walks on the stage.

today they had this teenage girl composing a song on the piano out of thin air, and i almost started crying.

crying while watching oprah.

yeah, i'm definately losing it.

i was actually afraid today would be the day i'd get fired, because i started flipping out at work. not verbally or anything. i was just really flustered and panicked, because they left me alone in a room with BAD, REALLY BAD toddlers, and they all started doing bad things at the same time, and one ofthem got a bloody nose in the midst of it, and while i picked him up to clean him up another kid started playing in his blood trail, and i couldn't reach the phone so i got my cell phone out and called the main number and they didn't answer, so i had to swing the door next to me open and scream for the teacher in the next room to try to get her to call them from her phone...

and that was only 5 minutes of my day. the rest was the same. (it was also frustrating when we walked in from the playground, and they took off in different directions, into different rooms, and there was no one to help me round them up, and a mom walked by while i was shouting for them, and running around like a crazy person...yeah, that's the kind of thing that could get me fired if that mom were to call DHS and say the supervision was lacking...)

it's seriously messing with me.

and i see no way out. i got the first response to a resume today that i've gotten in a long time, but it's very sketch. i found it on craigslist, and even though i asked for them to tell me the company name so i can look it up...they haven't. and they want me to get a credit report from a specific site before i can set up an interview...

i just don't know what to do. i need a new job. i can't find one.

i can't be a receptionist because i don't have any experience as the president of the united states, so obviously i'm worthless.

i have hit what you might call...a low point.

i am weary.