be serious.

tonight was my last night teaching sunday school at church.

i've been doing it for two years at this church.

a million years total.

i used to genuinely enjoy it. i looked forward to it. they're sweet and hilarious. and i love their innocent questions about Bible stories, and i love seeing them come to understand what they're learning about.

but for a while now, i haven't been doing a great job. since i'm around kids all week, teaching sunday school feels like going to work.

which is not a great feeling. i don't really like my job.

and i dislike it even more now that it's sucked the joy out of something i used to love.

i make jokes about my job, but that's just my way of coping. i have to find something to laugh about or i'll go nuts. i did, briefly, go nuts. i was on the verge of a mental breakdown. i googled the signs. all that was missing was hearing voices and imaginary friends. ANYWAY. that's over. i can laugh again. and i'm grateful to have a job. i know God has me where He wants me right now.

BUT.

tonight, my last night teaching, i got to tell them about Jesus. and not just a story about loaves of bread or miracles. i got to tell them that Jesus has invited them to be a part of His family. i got to tell them a few of the many reasons why i love Him.

i sounded like a bumbling idiot.

teaching is not my gift.

and i'm so glad that Jesus draws sinners to Himself, and there's no possible way for me to mess that up.

a priceless moment:

the lesson tonight was about the parable where a man invites a bunch of people to a party, and they make up a bunch of excuses not to go. so then he invites the poor and crippled people.

we were supposed to pass out these invitations that said "you're invited to the best party ever!" to help them understand the story a bit more.

one kid got his, and started saying "no way! this is such a lie. there's no way we're invited to the best party ever. i don't believe it."

and on one level he was right. we weren't actually inviting him to a party.

but it was a sweet reminder that in Christ, we are actually invited to a "party" we don't deserve. one that is actually too good to be true. so many people say "no way! heaven does not exist. there's no way Christ is real. i don't believe it."

but it does, He is, and i do.

from the mouths of children and infants He has ordained praise...that's a verse that has always made me want to work with kids at church. what a privilege to share Christ with them, and remember what it was like to learn about Him for the first time. they remind me of that time in my relationship with Jesus.

this is kind of harder than i thought it would be. i thought i would feel relief. and i do. but also a bit of sadness.

anyway. now i'm joining a new team at church. the church retreat in april was about spiritual gifts, and i'm joining a team where mine will be put to better work. and ok, so every test i took that weekend said i'm a teacher. and maybe it came up as my number one gift on every test. but they're all wrong. just ask the children what the lesson was about tonight. they don't know! i'm a terrible communicator. so i'm going in a different direction. and i'm excited about it.