i also hate beans.

i hate sundays. i really do.

they're awful.

all i can think about is having to go back to work tomorrow. sundays are not relaxing. i feel tense.

i wake up, and immediately think "too bad i'll be waking up to an alarm clock at six in the morning tomorrow. five more days until i can sleep in again."

i spend most of the day in boredom. there's nothing worth going to do, because i have to come back and get ready for church. and i love church, but i hate that it's on sunday. i wish it was on saturday, so i could really enjoy it. so i could be relaxed, and come back from church, and enjoy the rest of my evening as i reflect on the good things that just happened at church. instead, i come back and eat dinner, and go to bed. because i have to get up early the next day. as soon as church is over, my weekend is over.

and as long as i'm being honest, i'm kind of annoyed that i have to do kids sunday school on my birthday. it's been really hard for me to do lately anyway, because i'm with kids all week long. so doing sunday school feels like being at work. so it's like i'm going to work on my birthday. but it also means that an extra hour of my day is spent not relaxing, because i have to go to church earlier. so more of my day is just...gone. and no matter how many times i tell people i don't want to teach the lesson, i still have to teach the lesson. i signed up to be the assistant teacher, not the teacher. they don't listen to me. i don't know how to connect with them. i don't know how to hold their attention. i don't want to teach the lesson. i hate teaching the lesson. hate it. but i had to last month, and i have to again today. why can't i ever just say NO. why do i always have to do what everyone else wants me to do? why does everyone else always get to push me into submission?

and why do i have to feel bad for expressing that i hate these things? these are my actual feelings, and i don't feel like pretending they're not.