my life as pam beasley.

every now and then something so surreal happens that i have to remind you, my public, that what i'm about to share actually happened. no detail has been exaggerated.

today we had in-service seminars with the other preschools in the area. no children allowed. yesterday our directors passed out a sheet of info about it. when to arrive, directions, etc.

the top of this flier said something like "it's oscar time! expect celebrity experiences!" so i knew something horrible was going to happen. something cheesy and awkward.

when i arrived, all the directors from the different schools were dressed up as "celebrities." some of them grasped the concept better than others. there was britney spears and angelina jolie. and then...wilma flinstone and cruella deville.

?

if that wasn't weird enough, they stayed in these costumes all day. seven hours. but we still had to take them seriously.

we ate lunch with our directors. and that's when things really got weird.

each director had a pile of cheap, miniature oscars that they gave to each one of us. they used a label-maker to label each oscar with our individual awards.

so let me pause and take you back to season one of the office. are you with me? the dundee awards? this was that awkward, and that strange. unfortunately, we didn't have any champion-themed music playing in the background. just crickets chirping. i pointed out to the girl next to me that this was like the office, and her face changed as she realized i was right. "it IS like that..." we had another bonding moment later in the day, which i'll get to shortly.

so, what was my award? she said "and the always so happy award goes to...ALLISON!" no one has described me that way in my entire life, but that's ok. i'll accept the dundee. the best part is that the dundee doesn't even say "always so happy" it just says "happy."



then we went back to the seminars about why we shouldn't yell at children. this is when we tapped into some material "the office" has yet to explore.

group exercises.

oh yes. we went there. it happened. we did that.

we were learning about ways to get the wiggles out of children when it's a rainy day. next on our agenda?

a dance-off.

i'm not joking.

in some situations, certain people may find such a thing enjoyable. even those people may find it hard to let loose with their coworkers. but i'm a team player. i figured sitting down and looking like "this is sooo lame" would be way lamer than any dance move i could try to pull off. so i took hitch's advice:



the girl from earlier, who is new this school year, was standing next to me. she said something like "they're going to tell me to sit down really fast." so i said "yeah, i'm just going to dance like hitch says to for a song, and then i'm taking myself out of the game."

she's really nice, and her class is connected to mine. so when i'm not yelling at the children, maybe we can be friends.

this was my actual day. no embellishments.

no one's ears hang that low.

i forgot to mention that yesterday i saw a lame-o book at borders, in the "religious" section.

it was called the "52 greatest stories of the Bible." google it if you think i'm making it up.

it took me a minute or two to realize that's not an arbitrary number. i'm betting they're basing it around 52 weeks of the year. it's a devotional book.

but still. it left me with some questions.

what is the criteria for determining which stories are the "greatest?"

did they pick ones that easily translate to the flannel board? in that case, song of solomon gets cut even if it's "greater."

what stories got left out?

why not just call it "52 great stories of the Bible."

will there be a sequel? (probably so...)because that automatically discredits the title of the original book.

on a different note, let me share with you the song that was in my head tonight as i was driving back to my apartment. now, let me remind you that i am 24 years old. i've been listening to music for my entire life. i studied music business in college. my brain has a great library to choose from, when it comes to music.

the selection today was this:

do your ears hang low?
do they wobble to and fro?
can you tie them in a knot?
can you tie them in a bow?
can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?
do your ears hang low?

and no, we have never sung that at work. ever.

nose held high.

so i just finished reading two heavy books. moby dick and the case for covenantal infant baptism.

oh, and here's a fun side note...there's always a "reflection time" quote in my church's program every week. this week's quote was from moby dick! a day after i finished reading it. it's times like these that make me think the world really does revolve around me.

moving on. (but not really to a better place, as you'll soon see...)

we had a staff meeting at work tonight. i had a couple hours between the time i got off and the meeting, so i went to borders. i got two books. the time traveller's wife and stuff white people like.

it's true. i bought the book even though it's all on the website. it's the perfect book to read after the two i just finished. so light and fluffy. i'll be done in a day or two. (so far, it's just been me saying "i do! i do like that!" over and over again...)

and then i'll read the time traveller's wife, which i feel is the perfect transition book, based on what i've heard about it.

"transition book? what are you transitioning to?" you ask.

brace yourselves.

homer's odyssey.

i'll feel so superior to everyone when i finish.

i'm a sinner. it's true. but you can all humble me by asking me what it was about, and i'm sure i'll have no idea. not one person has told me this is a good book. sweet.

ishmael.

i FINALLY finished reading moby dick.

my first feeling was that i hated it. it took me so long to read it. and it's not a hard read, it just has some super boring parts. while i read it, i enjoyed it. there was just nothing interesting enough about it to compel me to pick it up and read more the next day. so i gave myself an assignment...read 10 pages a day.

it's true. i give myself assignments.

the nerdiness gets worse from here.

when i read a book, i dog-ear pages with neato quotes. when i finish the book, i go back and read those quotes. (in some books i underline...it's a system i don't feel like explaining...) while i was reading those quotes, i realized this book is really great. and i understand why it's a classic american novel.

i began to think about all the different reports i could write, if i were a student being forced to read this book. there are so many different ways i could go! the obvious topic is ahab's character, and how his quest to kill moby dick destroys him. blah blah. there are also a lot of really great secondary characters to focus on. the literary style is very british, in my opinion. but i wouldn't know how to explain that. he just expresses some stuff in a really funny, british way. really good imagery. there's also the topic of how he takes parts of the whale or parts of the sea and turns them into a metaphor for something neato. and my personal favorite are the ideas that are very Christian. that would be a fun paper to write.

and the strange thing is i hate writing papers.

but i'm glad my mind is still sharp in my old age, and i could still whip out a paper if i needed to.

i was going to choose a few quotes to share, but there's too many. there's an entire chapter devoted to whale sperm, and trust me, you don't want me to go there.

game shows...ugh...

tomorrow is the last day of the olympics.

it's going to be such a huge bummer to go from watching 4 hours of neato sports every night, to watching...nothing. because i hate summertime programs. i'm looking forward to watching the office when it comes back on, because it rules. but even that is different. jim and pam might break up, or get married. but at the end of the show, you sigh when you remember...it's not real. who cares anyway.

the olympics are real, man.

real people doing real things. real stories. real victory. real struggle. and it's something the whole world particpates in.

if i ever tell you i've sunk so low as to watch "america's got talent" just punch me right in the face. i plan to be reading more, but on nights when i have a headache i am weaker. don't be shy. don't have sympathy because my head already hurts. i'm better off getting punched in the face.

david hasselhoff as a judge...are you freaking kidding me? sharon osbourne?

oh olympics. i miss you already.

i will shush about the olympics after this and just share my favorite moment this year.

michael phelps in the 100 meter butterfly. i was, quite literally, shaking for 10 or so minutes after it ended. it was that amazing. i wrote it about it before, said it was "the sickest thing i've ever seen."

watch it for yourself.

no, really. do it. it's a mere 50 seconds of your life. and while you're left shaking, as any mortal should be, leave it playing so you can see the slow motion replay. that's the part that left me screaming. because when he touched the wall, i thought he lost. when they said he won, i thought he lost. when they showed the slow motion...my mind was blown.

the end.

i want to marry the weekend.

i hope this post comes across as me laughing at ridiculous situations, because that's what i did all day today. sometimes it's hard to convey my actual mood through the written word, so that's why you're getting a disclaimer up front.

so, yesterday i mentioned i have the same conversation with my boss every friday. her tone may also be hard to convey, so for the record...it is condescending and irritated with me.

here's how it goes. every friday.

her: how many kids are you expecting today?
me: nine.
her: where are you getting that number from?
me: well only three kids don't come on friday, so that leaves us with nine.
her: what about johnny-whines-a-lot? (names changed to protect the inno...the children)
me: i expect him to be here.
her: he won't be here, he doesn't come on fridays.
me: hmm. oh.

and then an hour later he shows up. every friday.

i can laugh at this situation because it's just so insane to me that it happens EVERY week. without fail. that's just too lame to be real, but it is real. instead of fighting with her about it every week, i just respond with "hmm. oh."* and let things play out how they do. it's not a good idea to fight with your boss, you know. that's what you learn in employment 101. actually that's what you learn when you're four, and your parents do their job.

but after the week i've had, today i felt a little sassier. i decided not to pretend to be a lost little lamb who had no idea what the answer to her question was.

so this is how it went today.

her: how many kids are you expecting today?
me: nine.
her: where are you getting that number from?
me: well only three kids don't come on friday, so that leaves us with nine.
her: what about johnny-whines-a-lot?
me: i expect him to be here.
her: he won't be here, he never comes on fridays.
me: hmm. really? i thought he always came on fridays. maybe i'm thinking of someone else.

and an hour later, he showed up. who's anxious to see what happens next friday? i know i am.

sigh.

situation number two.

the new school year starts next week for us. as i was meandering through the halls, i happened to notice a sheet of paper on a random table. it had a checklist for all the things the teachers needed to get done. starting on the 11th of august. somehow this list never made it to us. there was a list of chores for last week, this week, and next week. luckily, my common sense got our stuff done last week without having been told to do it. so that's probably why she didn't come to us and say "UMMM...why didn't you do what the list said?"

so when i found it, i went to her and said..."i just found this laying around. a copy of it never got to our classroom, so i just wanted to let you know that's why we haven't been working on some of these things, but we'll start right away."

HOW...HOW...does that happen? that's an eleven day gap between when it was supposed to be passed out, and when i discovered it.

so here's the part to laugh at. one of the things on the list for this week was to take down the old art, and put some new art up.

i had done that on one of our walls already. on another wall we had this "beach" theme going, complete with an ocean and fish all over it. it's been up for the summer. i turned the ocean into a sky by moving it to the TOP of the wall. i took the fish off. i quickly painted some stars on it. and i had the kids color some rockets today that i stuck all over the wall, shooting up to the "sky." it was space week this week anyway.

brilliance in a bottle!

it's not the prettiest wall in the world, and we'll change it within the next week. but i felt good about the quick transformation.

*my sister emily recently pointed out that when i don't agree with something, the first thing i say is "hmm." i didn't notice it until she said that, but she's totally right. now you know my secret. if i say "hmm" i'm holding my tongue about something.

morph.

"my job is never boring or mundane!"

that is a loaded statement.

we had to write "biographies" today. also known as AUTObiographies when you write it about yourself. they're going to be hung outside our classrooms. we were told to include a sentence or two about why we love our jobs.

my job is never boring or mundane. take that however you want, it's the best i could come up with.

oh, by the way, this is a long and boring string of thoughts.

today i remembered an important truth.

it's impossible to hate your enemy if you pray for them. and not a "help them see the error of their ways..." kind of a prayer. try it. pick an enemy, any enemy. hopefully you don't have a lot to choose from...like, none.

i have at times seen my boss as my enemy, which sounds extreme. i am my toughest critic, so i've lectured myself plenty of times about how being an adult and showing up to work is not going to be a party. there will be hard days. but this isn't my first job. i've been working since i was 16. i didn't walk into this job with expectations of being friends or even friendly with my boss. i've had PLENTY of bosses that i didn't like personally, or that made me do a lot of stupid and annoying things. it's part of working. they make the rules, i follow them. without complaining, and without rolling my eyes. that's how every job i've had has been. so i feel like i'm in a position to say...this is different. i've had enough jobs and bosses to say that.

with that said...

today she came into the room to let the other teacher in my room go on her lunch break, so we had a little chat. she just started talking about stuff, and how she's been really stressed lately. one reason is because the parents are insane, and demand ridiculous things from us. i know she gets more pressure from them than i do. i have ONE class of parents to deal with, she has the whole school. so we share that stress issue. and it was interesting to see her as a human. and not the devil. who is my actual enemy. she has bad days too. she goes home and feels tense too.

she also mentioned how she feels stress because so many people are quitting, and i had to pretend to be sympathetic. because it's her fault. they're leaving because of her. she's oblivious. which annoys me even more. but regardless of why she's stressed, she is having a hard time too. and it was kind of "nice" (talking to her is never actually NICE) to have that conversation, and be able to express that i have been feeling a lot of stress and pressure too. i only mentioned the pressure from the parents. and she told me that the parents in our class are happy, and i should ignore the "witches", as she put it.

so, that's an interesting follow-up to the day i had yesterday. God created an opportunity to remind me that i should show her more grace. grace is being kind to someone when they don't deserve it. giving the benefit of the doubt. God does that all the time with me, and did it ultimately on the Cross.

swallowing my pride at work is really hard, and looking at her as a human is not something that pleases me initially, but becoming more like Christ is what i want more than anything. i'm not content to sit and stew and be mad, even when i'm RIGHT. that feeling of "being right" is only good for about ten seconds. there are moments i know i'm right and she's wrong, and i can prove it with FACTS and DOCUMENTS. (pride in blogging translates to uppercase letters..) but i want more than that. i don't just want to be right. i want to change for the better, and focusing on how insane she is doesn't help me do that. it changes me in a bad way.

a frustrating thing is that even though i realize these things, i could go in to work tomorrow and have the worst day ever. i never know. so i could have to wrestle through it again tomorrow. that is not cool.

one of our many annoying conversations occurs every friday. same conversation. she asks me question, i answer it the same way every friday, and every friday she says "no, i don't think so" in a "you're an idiot" kind of way, and an hour later it turns out...i'm right. EVERY FRIDAY! so i'm bringing it up here to jinx the situation, and hope that tomorrow...she won't even go there.

if you want to be a smart ass...

vote democrat.

i told you i wouldn't forget that slogan! so clever and catchy.

so here's my question.

uhhhh

i know we're "supposed" to vote and everything, but i don't want to.

that's not a question. it's a dilemma.

i feel like Christians make this huge deal out of voting, and i agree that it's important. it's kind of funny how we take it to another level. the rest of society says "be cool, and vote." or whatever the slogan is. Christians say, "vote or rot in hell for eternity!" or something like that. we add on to the normal motivations to vote (hoorah democracy!), and say we have to represent God and make a Godly choice so the devil won't rule our nation.

i'm not making fun of that, or downplaying that. voting is important. it is.

but what if one side of the ticket is baby killers, and you think...WOW, that's BAD. i don't want anyone to kill any more babies. let's stop that. so you decide you can't vote for that party.

but then you look at the other side, and realize those people don't take care of poor people. or widows, or orphans. the helpless. and that's the political issue Christ left us with, above any other. so you think...the babies will live, but their life will suck because poverty and unemployment is so rampant and out of control. God didn't tell me "make murder your number one priority!" He said...go and make disciples, and take care of the people that can't take care of themselves. (wow, worst summary of the Gospel, EVER).

and, yes, that includes unborn babies. they are the epitome of helpless. but since when are we supposed to decide who to vote for, based on ONE issue?? what about all the others? if the democrats get the rest right, and the republicans get the rest wrong...why vote JUST on abortion?

i don't think it's as simple as that. both parties have multiple flaws.

but that's what i'm saying is bothering me.

you don't really do much to advance Christ's Kingdom either way.

maybe i serve Him better by being a law-abiding citizen, and submissive to the government He establishes...and i should keep the blood off my hands by not voting. because there's something messed up with both candidates.

i don't know, i'm just saying, it's pretty hard to figure out.

feedback is welcome, and desired.

so, what a weird day i'm having. first i am upset because my job wearing me down...and now i'm thinking about politics. i'm pretty sure i'm not insane, but you never know.

gone are the days of innocence.

my job sucks.

i realize most people hate their jobs.

mine is actually changing me. i leave work so tense, it takes me about an hour to wind down and feel normal. and then i look back on my day and think...who was that? that wasn't me. if i described my attitude to you...you'd be shocked. i'm not disrespectful to my boss or anything. not outloud anyway. that's the thing...it's a combination of internal and external changes. internally, i feel so much anger and that turns into tension. and discouragement. like there's no way this is going to get better, and that leads to anger and tension. and externally, i'm not patient with the kids anymore. zero patience. i have to deal with so much nonsense from my boss, that i have nothing nice left for the children.

think of the children!

anyway...

my dad called me today. he always understands. we have our differences, oh boy, do we have our differences. but he has decades of work experience behind him, and he always understands. so we talked about that. the sad part is that he said one job he had changed him too.

and that pisses me off.

i want to still be a nice person. i want people to still tell me i'm sweet, or that they think i'm funny. but if this job continues to destroy me, my entire personality will look completely different a year from now. i don't want to be different. i don't want to be a bitter old woman. with a lot of cats that i abuse. maybe that's part of the problem...i am thinking too much of myself. every person always has room for improvement in that category.

but why should my personality (i originally phrased that as "my very essence" but decided to leave the drama queen at home today) be altered because no one will hire me for a better job because i don't have a nobel prize and i've never cured cancer, so i must not be qualified to fix your coffee and make you copies.

i enjoy finding creative ways to express that sentiment. (maybe it's still a little dramatic...but funny, right? look at me second guessing myself! that is so unlike me...see what i'm saying!)

here is something light and fluffy, depending on your sense of humor. you might think it's disturbing and morbid.

for some reason i remembered that when my sister was little, she pulled all these pots and pans out of the cabinet and sat in one of them. super cute pictures resulted. i decided if i ever have kids, i'll take it a step or two further. like maybe i'll set the pot on top of the stove and pretend to stir it, like i'm cooking my baby! or maybe set him on a silver platter on the table with an apple in his mouth, surrounded by various garnishes and candlesticks.

what a christmas card that would make!

it's bobsled time.

i was feeling a little down because the first week of the olympics is over. no more gymnastics. no more swimming. no more phelps.

then i remembered...

there's still carrie walsh and misty may! beach volleyball. very intense and exciting.

and there's still track and field. i'm not as into that, but the jamaicans are doing well. and it always makes me smile when jamaicans do well in the olympics. because of that movie, cool runnings.

i love that movie!

derice, sanka, junior, yul. i love those guys. sanka was my favorite because he carried that lucky egg around with him. i also like junior, too. because he's so nice. and it's really sad when he's really sad.

now that i think about it, that movie might actually be one of the reasons i became obsessed with the olympics. what a great story. i watched it when i was young. 9 or 10. the formative years. and a couple years later, i watched the "magnificent seven" win gold in gymnastics. and watched kerri strug land that vault on ONE FOOT.



so many vivid memories.

i should carry a lucky egg around with me. and demand that people kiss it.

he did it.

more gold medals than anyone at a single olympics.

more gold medals than anyone, ever.

amazing.

shuttlecock.

that's what you call the "ball" in badminton. i had to wikipedia that.

i watched a badminton match today.

the only random observation was this:

"it landed like a butterfly with sore feet!" - the commentator

ummm...

and how is that, exactly?

wide-eyed.

i haven't commented on any actual sporting events since the olympics started, because i figure if you care, you're watching it yourself.

i just watched michael phelps win his 7th (13th) gold medal.

i can't help myself.

not that there are actual words to describe that race, but it was astounding.

i was actually afraid someone would look back at the tape, and say "actually, ummmm, that was too close of a call for the wall to do the job right...phelps actually lost...sorry...." (update: the silver medal guy tried! ha! seriously, it was so close, i was worried someone would...it just took them a minute. i blog pretty fast. but phelps still wins. i love technology. always and forever.)

because it was that insanely close.

his time was 50.58. the silver medal guy was 50.59.

WHAT.

that is SICK.

that is the sickest thing i've ever seen in my life.

i can't believe that just happened. neither could the people watching it. they showed his coach and his family, and they were all like "aww. he got second."

michael phelps is the best athlete ever. even if he doesn't win his 8th gold medal.

i actually feel a little ill just from watching it.

tongue.

you can count on me for off-the-wall commentary on the olympics. that's what i'm here for.

so i just watched phelps win another gold.

prior to that, i saw a few things i wish i hadn't.

1) they did a little piece on his "amazing body", and how perfect it is. that was the topic. the actual topic. the part that disturbed me, was the shot of his feet. CAN WE NOT?

2) they showed a shot of his mom waiting for the race to start. putting her chapstick on. for at least 20 seconds. really?

3) they showed another swimmer licking the inside of his goggles.

i'm not like an expert or anything, but none of that screams "money shot" to me.

nicky and alex

if every word i said, could make you laugh, i'd talk forever...

i just watched may/walsh win another volleball game. i won't waste your time by writing about how good they are. we all know this.

has anyone noticed the "mood music" in the background of the beach volleyball games?

it is hysterical. (i usually say hilarious, but i wanted to mix it up tonight.)

this is one of the few events that has music playing. it's the only one i've noticed, but i'm assuming some team sports like basketball have it playing too.

i laughed the other day because of what i heard playing, but i can't remember the titles. tonight, however, i remember.

the beach boys.

i would love to know who is in charge of the music selection. i'm not saying the beach boys have no place in society. it's just a funny choice. just think about it. the beach boys...blaring in china.

i have so many questions. do they only play american music at beach volleyball? if not, what do chinese and brazilian and norwegian athletes normally listen to while playing? if it is tailored to whoever is playing...who decided that americans want to listen to the beach boys?

well, anyway, i think it's funny and weird. my favorite combination.

on a different note, i hope no one starts calling michael phelps the "golden boy." maybe they already did, and i just noticed it subconsciously, and also subconsciously noted it as lame-o.

and i invite everyone reading this to follow my train of thought and guess where the title of this post comes from. i think my sister sarah has the best shot. it's not that hard...i just think it's one of the more random trains i've ridden on. from 2008 to 1993 in mere seconds. it's a time travelling train of thought.

it's always important to know when to stop, so that'll be it for today.

(i had a really bad day at work today. sometimes that sends me into a rage, but today it looks like i went the other direction. easily amused.)

ming wang

so the chinese men won gold in gymnastics last night. kinda sucks for the americans, but i always cheer for the chinese in a way. because i think if they lose, they are executed or something. i'm not sure about the specifics. so, they live to see another year.

also, i'm still reading moby dick. a year later. mostly, i hate it. but every now and then, while describing various parts of a whale or some aspect of whaling, the author describes something REALLY boring in a hilarious way.

like the spout and the tail.

"And I am convinced that from the heads of all ponderous profound beings, such as Plato, Pyrrho, the Devil, Jupiter, Dante; and so on, there always goes up a certain semi-visible steam, while in the act of thinking deep thoughts. While composing a little treatise on Eternity, I had the curiosity to place a mirror before me; and ere long saw reflected there, a curious involved worming and undulation in the atmosphere over my head. The invariable mositure of my hair, while plunged in deep thought, after six cups of hot tea in my thin shingled attic, of an August noon; this seems an additional argument for the above supposition."

"Other poets have warbled the praises of the soft eye of the antelope, and the lovely plumage of the bird that never alights; less celestial, I celebrate a tail."

those are both so ridiculous. first he groups the devil with plato and dante. and then he says he saw steam above his head while he was having a deep thought. and he saw it, because he was watching himself think. that is so golden.

ridiculous.

i wish i was that clever.

back to the olympics. while i was going to the bathroom today, i had a disturbing thought. (just trying to keep it real.) except for the winter olympics in 2 years, this is the last time i will watch the olympics and be in the same basic age group as the athletes. that is WEIRD. it still makes me feel strange to watch college football, because i always feel like they're older than me, because they're so cool and big. but then i remember...i graduated two years ago. they are children. and now this, the olympics. right now we are peers. in four years...i will be their elder.

gross.

take it back.

"Michael Phelps is Tiger Woods in a speedo."

i have so many issues with that statement i won't even try to deconstruct it.

don't call me for 17 days.

the olympics are my favorite sporting events to watch on tv. better than texas a&m football or belmont basketball. well, maybe even. i don't know. it's a big deal.

some people say it's lame-o to care so much, because we (the olympics fans) don't watch those sports the rest of the year.

i submit that this is because network tv doesn't play them for us to watch! i would watch swimming, and diving, and gymnastics and the more interesting ones...but i don't ever see them on tv.

anyway. here are my two favorite parts of the opening ceremony, which blew my mind. when i think of china, i think of rigid and sad people. it was so artistic and creative.

in one segment they made the great wall of china, and it was all lit up and dancing. which sounds absurd. but it wasn't. at the end, it disappeared and was replaced by flowers. the flowers symbolize "openness." it was supposed to symbolize that the most common image of china (huge barricade, stay out, leave us alone, we have secrets....) is changing to something else.

and there was this painting that took shape over the entire ceremony. it started out as a blank page. then some dancers came out, and their movements created the art! a few things were added as the night went along, but my favorite was when the athletes come out. they all stepped on some ink pads before they went across it, so their footsteps became part of the painting.

i also made a couple random observations.

there was this huge screen that circled the perimeter of the stadium, at the top. it was playing some lame-o images of waterfalls and birds the whole time. but they kept referring to it as a "membrane" and that really bothered me. membrane. there's a word i hate.

china's flag carrier was that really tall chinese guy who plays basketball...in the united states. yao. he walked in with this little boy who is a hero, blah blah. (great story, i know...) here's the random part. they talked to yao for a few minutes. his english is not the best. that's ok, i don't think the world has to speak english, or even speak it well. but he's hard to understand. they turned to the boy and told him he's super cool, and he said "thank you, thank you very much." in PERFECT english. no accent. so i figure they taught him how to say that, and maybe nothing else. and that he probably doesn't understand english at all. i'm just guessing. so whenever people went up to him last night, no matter what they said, that's what he responded with. "hey watch out. you're in my way, you little person." "thank you, thank you very much."

what were they teaching us?

i don't know why, but i remembered something random about my childhood today. i love a good flashback.

i'm sure you all know that the state insect of texas is the monarch butterfly.

i noticed a few months ago that i automatically color butterflies orange and black because of how much i learned about them when i was young. it's like there's no other butterfly. why should there be? (**update...i just realized how funny it is that i ever have a reason to be coloring butterflies. just to clarify, i don't sit around and color in coloring books anymore. that was cute when i was 17, but not anymore...it's my job...my silly job...***)

anyway, here's the flashback.

in elementary school, every year, there was this disturbing butterfly ritual.

they'd buy a special scientific monarch butterfly box. it was filled with the cocoons. we'd set this box in a corner, under the intense heat of a few lamps. and after a specified period of time, we'd take the box out to the playground. the goal was for them to break out of the cocoons and fly away.

every year we tried this.

every year we failed.

i never saw one butterfly emerge from one of those boxes. every year we'd hope, and hope. but it was never to be.

it's kind of like sin.

no, i'm just kidding. i am so not the kind of person that turns flashbacks into sermon illustrations.

the next thought in this series of flashbacks, my train of thought if you will, is that in elementary school music class...if you didn't know how to whistle...you were supposed to make a butterfly with your hands and do that instead. napoleon dynamite style. i just pretended to whistle.

the train ends with this thought...i used to wear flannel. gross. i'm not the most stylish person ever, but i regret that flannel is part of my history.

a spine would be good.

yesterday i was sitting in the "break room" at work. it's really just a corner of the hallway with some chairs and a microwave. there's also a coke machine.

this mom came and picked up her son early, to take him to a birthday party at chuck e. cheese. they passed the coke machine.

he whined for one.

she said "do you have to get one now? you'll get one at the birthday party."

and of course, given the option, he said "yes."

so she got him one!

are you kidding me?

so, the reason i am suffering mentally, physically, and emotionally from listening to these children whine about nothing...all day, every day...

is because they are in charge of you?

thanks.

i understand that children whine. it's not uncommon. it's totally normal. the problem with these kids is that when you do tell them "no" they don't stop. for hours. literal hours. and i see that as a problem.

just thought i'd take a ride on the judgmental train.

vivaldi.

i went to texas this weekend to see my friend brandon get married. i've known him since 2nd or 3rd grade. we grew up in the same church. his best man was his best friend ryan, and i went to the same elementary school as him. so many of my memories include them. so we took this picture together. i don't know why i expected them to smile. like grown men. at brandon's wedding. why should this picture be any different than the other 10,000 we took?





it was also great to see A LOT of friends from my hometown. i don't know why i forgot that they'd be there. i would have been even more excited about going if i had remembered.



two of my sisters went to the wedding also. they are neato.



and of course, what would a trip to texas be without some quality time with my niece, kailey? we drove a few hours to where my sister lives and spent a day with her. i got some videos too. she's the best! she's wearing the outfit i bought her before she existed outside of the womb. i bought it for her to grow into. and she did. because she's growing a lot.


this is the cutest smile, ever. she's going through a tongue phase, which means it's always hanging out of her mouth. she was laughing at ME. i made her laugh.




blogger won't let me embed the videos like before. that's really irritating. i'll have to change the layout later. now you have to put forth some extra effort and click on the links.

this first video is of her playing the piano that i bought for her. i just gave it to her that day. i like how at the end she stops and looks up for affirmation. no need to tell her she's the center of the universe. she already knows it. that's cool with me. i was getting tired of the title anyway.

kailey's chops.

this one is of her playing with a straw. it's her favorite thing to do, apparently. if she's like all the other kings, she'll never stop being easily amused by something so small and ridiculous.

.the straw.

and this one is the best. it's her making a lot of CUTE noises when we went out to lunch. sarah told me she does not hold back when she's out in public, and that she is actually louder than normal. to the point where she would be disturbing other people, if it wasn't so cute. i didn't believe her, to be honest. but she was right.

aaahhhhhhh. ahh. ahhhhhhhhaaah.

i'm uploading one now of her crying in the car. even her crying is cute. but i won't put that here. you probably wouldn't agree. she's not your niece

verde.

some quotes from the family...

dad: a customer at work brought me a book he wrote. he is a holocaust survivor.
me: what's it called?
dad: i can't remember. it didn't have a snappy title.
emily: why would a book about the holocaust have a snappy title?
me: maybe something like, "huzzah! the holocaust!"

laura: blah blah, something ridiculous
emily: sometimes silence is ok.

and of course we had to disagree about SOMETHING...

laura: blah blah, something about going green
dad: going green? are they feeding you that stuff at college?
me: you mean the stuff about how to glorify God by taking care of the earth He made?
dad: i want to make sure you don't just listen to one side of the story.
me: that definately goes both ways.

and i made an observation today. my mom was playing a rocking jaci velasquez cd in the car today, while we were travelling. (by rocking, i mean not rocking). christian music never changes. when you think of the rest of the world, there are clear stylistic changes over time. there is 70's music. 80's music. 90's music. but i was thinking...if this jaci velasquez cd had been released this year, instead of 8 or 9 years ago, it would have been received no differently. isn't that weird?

i mean there are SOME differences, for sure. keith green and larry norman and those fellas had their own vibe in the 60's and 70's, but after that...i feel like it's all the same. why is that?

i just found that book my dad was talking about on this desk i'm sitting at. it's called "living longer than hate" which, in my opinion, is a very snappy title.

i also just decided i need to find more uses for the word "snappy."

the promised land.

i'm in texas for the weekend!

the flight over here was interesting, as usual. i love airports and flights. so much to observe.

i sat down next to this guy who was already screaming about something. he was on his cell phone talking to someone about how he always gets searched in the security line.

that's really lame, in my opinion. of the searchers, not him.

later in the flight he gave me his complimentary cheese nips, so he can't be a terrorist. they never learned how to share, OR how to settle their problems in a reasonable manner.

and i also heard someone explaining to their child that "this flight is as long as a hannah montana movie, but the next one we take will be as short as one episode of 'drake and josh.'"

bonus: my dog is still alive!