i am pam, part 1000.

today i had a teacher inservice training day.

these are always 90% mind-numbing, and 10% outrageous/surreal/hilarious-if-you-look-in-from-the-outside.

actual things that have happened in the past at these trainings:

- awkward dance-off with coworkers who aren't friends and a couple hundred strangers

- group stretches

- individual mini-oscars handed out to each employee from our directors, personalized with a label-maker. (like "the dundees" that michael scott handed out in season one). i got the "always so happy" award, but the oscar just says "happy." i did not get one of the insulting ones.

- seminar given by someone who named herself "dr. feel good" which concluded with us having to give ourselves a pat on the back for being such good listeners

today was no different.

seminar one was from an OSHA representative telling us not to trip and fall, but if we do they'll sue our employer for us. score. it included about 20 or so powerpoint slides with pictures of people doing stupid things, like dangling their coworkers over ledges to wash windows. i am thinking she did not put the powerpoint together herself. because she clicked to one slide and said "i don't know what that man is holding in the corner of the screen, but you can see those stairs do not look safe at all."

all we could see in the bottom right corner was a dark object made of metal. and someone's hand holding it.

someone in the front said "that's a gun. he's holding a gun!"

and someone next to her said "yeah...that's a gun! that's not a real picture. that's a frozen shot of a video game. i think that's halo or something."

we all squinted and looked harder, and sure enough...not real.

another seminar was about music, and this guy taught us some new songs.

and tested the boundaries of acceptable social interaction with strangers.

he was wearing a hawaiian print shirt. some brightly colored clown-ish shoes. he was sporting a mullet. and he hung up a sign that said "there's a special place in Heaven for preschool teachers." i just want you to have the right image in your mind.

he sang a song about clapping and high-fiving, and then started hugging people on the aisles. hugging people. people he doesn't know. he hugged a girl right next to me. i avoided making eye contact, an old trick from college. if i didn't know the answer to a question, i would not look a professor in the eyes.

later he was singing a song about puppies and rainbows or something, and went and sat in a teacher's lap. he sat in her lap.

so.

awkward.

when he finished the seminar, he put down his guitar and sang us a sappy "you shape their future with your hands" song on his ear microphone.

i love and hate these seminars. love and hate.

but the conference was football themed so we all had to wear jerseys, and i wore my texas a&m t-shirt, because...

it's college football season!!!

yesssss.