hebetude.

i...

um...

had a really bad week...

the only descriptive words coming to mind are profane.

a few months ago i was out to dinner with people, and one of them asked "are you at your breaking point yet?" and i said no. and i remember wondering what that would even feel or look like.

well, i'm there.

i can't describe it without those words...i just can't. not even with the aid of my word-a-day calendar.

so i'm at my "breaking point" and i'm stuck there, because there's nothing i can do. it's NOT AWESOME. i'm just...breaking.

anyway,

normally when i get off work, i require a period of silence to unwind. because of all the screaming children. a couple times this week i turned on, um, Christian radio. i needed something that wouldn't feed the madness. and there were a couple songs that were...appropriate.

the fun/weird part was that one of them is by a guy that i went to belmont with. it's josh wilson. the song is "savior, please." and there's another one that came on by a cheesy band with a queer name. it's "hold" by superchick. groan.

two videos. a TINY GLIMPSE into my current mental state.

here's something i'm working through:

God has never promised me a life of comfort or ease. He has never guaranteed that i will get along with my coworkers, or that my boss will be reasonable. i'm just glad i have other promises to get me through whatever it is i'm going through.

(watching the superchick video was funny. i started out thinking "whoever made this is seriously disturbed. or maybe just extremely emo. these images are weird." and then eventually, "this captures the breaking point perfectly. this person is a genius." so, i don't know what that means for me, but i don't think it's good...)