throngs

since my car accident(s), i have been overwhelmed with anxiety about all that could go wrong. because it was a very shady situation.

i read Psalm 35 so much that i accidentally memorized parts of it, and kept repeating them over and over, all day long. it's all about God fighting for people who can't fight for themselves.

the other guy's car insurance hasn't called me, and it's been almost 2 weeks now. my dad thinks that means that "it's over." and that they decided the other guy was at fault, so i can rest now.

verse 18 of psalm 35:

I will give you thanks in the great assembly;
among throngs of people I will praise you.

i don't know that the short list of people who read this blog can be labeled a "throng" of people, but it's a start. (also, i wish "throng" wasn't a word. it's weird.)

one day when i was really weighed down with stress, i made a list of all the things God had done to protect me and fight for me. some things were before i even knew i needed Him to fight for me. here's the list of things i'm giving Him thanks for publicly:

- no one was injured
- my car was not damaged (just $20 worth of a bumper issue)
- even though my lack of experience kept me from calling the cops and getting all the information i should have, i "somehow" had the sense to get his drivers license number, and license plate number
- even though i was too stupid to write down his insurance policy number, when he showed me the sheet of paper that was his car insurance, my eyes noticed the name of the provider, which is how my insurance tracked down his insurance
- when he was pressuring me to give him money, God prevented me from agreeing to that
- the phone number he gave me was real
- my insurance guy was VERY helpful and comforting when i was worried
- my insurance guy worked very fast. 2 days after the accident, his work was done
- God brought many different Scriptures to my mind to comfort me and remind me that He is in control (psalms 35, 37, 39, and 40; God works all things together for good; God has plans for my future, plans not to harm me (Jer. 29:11); when Daniel was in the lion's den, God shut their mouths; a lot of men and women in Genesis made mistakes or didn't handle things perfectly in their situations, but God protected them, etc.)
- right after the accident, instead of "figuring things out myself" (which is something i looooooove to do), i called my Dad and he told me to call insurance immediately, so i did, and had the claim filed about 20 minutes after the accident
- whenever i was explaining the situation to friends and family, God moved them to share experiences of car accidents they had been in, and how things hadn't gone perfectly, and it was an encouragement to me
- even my insurance guy kept saying things like "I'm on your side" and "there's nothing to worry about"...which was great, but it also reminded me that God says those things to me all through Scripture
- God raised me knowing Scripture so i could be comforted by it at times like this. if i had just become a Christian a week ago or something, i wouldn't have a lifetime of sermons to recall. what a blessing to grow up in a Christian home!
- God has a history of handling things perfectly
- i have great friends and family to hug and call when i'm worried. support systems are totally underrated.

and the list goes on.

today i thought i lost my drivers license. i haven't touched it since i checked into my flight in austin on sunday, so i figured i lost it at the airport. i always just stuff it in my bag when i go through security. it did fall out of my bag. but i just discovered it fell out of my bag in my car, when i got back to nashville...instead of falling out of my bag in the airport or on an airplane.

grace, grace, God's neverending grace!

who is like You, O Lord? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them, the poor and needy from those who rob them.

and maybe you're thinking "you're making too big a deal out of this." which is probably true, but given the amount of anxiety in my mind for the past couple of weeks...i can't just say "ok, it's all better now. nevermind, God! sorry about all the insanity. i guess i didn't need You after all! i'm so stupid..." and leave it at that.

it's been interesting to see how lame i am. worrying and anxiety is a clear way to see my lack of trust in God. people who trust God aren't burdened like this. but it has been good to read psalm 35 (and other chapters) and realize...David had to have been SERIOUSLY anxious to write anything like this. it's not like the great "heroes" of the faith were free from it either. worrying is bad. but it matters what we do when we're worried, too. do we JUST worry, or do we take it to the Cross? we live in this world, constantly held back by our humanity. sinfulness and brokenness are everywhere. my problem with worrying separates me from God. my relationship with Christ takes me back.