there are certain situations when i am just not good at faking.
when people tell jokes that aren't funny, it is so hard for me to laugh. so hard. i do it, to be polite. but it's hard. i hate polite laughter. ugh. (like when i worked in retail, and a purchase would total at $19.96, and a customer would say "well that was a good year!!" and i'd have to laugh at that...OH MY GOSH. that's not even a little bit funny.)
after two and a half months of working with substitutes and floaters, i finally have a new co-teacher.
i am having a hard time interacting with her. it is hard to laugh politely 40 hours a week. but i did a little calculating and realized that since our shifts are different and we take breaks at different times...it's really only 30 hours!
the main problem is that she also enjoys getting people in trouble. she told me some stories from her last job (and i tried to smile and nod) about how she got people in trouble, and just yesterday she basically accused another teacher at my school of abusing a child. she looks for ways to tell on people. it gives her pleasure. she actually wanted that teacher to be fired. someone she has known for less than a week.
i do not respect that.
she is hard to be around.
i feel like i have to be perfect, so she doesn't complain about me.
it's hard. it's exhausting. today i didn't really talk to her. i'd just kind of grunt in her general direction to acknowledge i heard her.
which is so rude.
how lame am i being right now?? i'm so gross. this is the real me.
when i realized my own sin in this today, i had to ask myself, again...
do i believe what i say i believe?
do i believe that i am a sinner? someone who is not perfect either, and surely annoys other people. (i can't imagine how, i just know from a purely rational standpoint that it must be true.)
do i believe that Christ calls me to love people who are not lovable? not just to nod politely or avoid offending, but to love them.
that is hard.
it is HARD.
but my whole life, that's what i've been saying i believe. i've just never been around someone like this for 30 hours a week. so now i get a chance to actually do it.
yay?
yes. yay. being like Christ is a yay. because i feel gross right now, and His way is better. far better.
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2 comments:
she may have accused that coworker of being abusive, but did anyone actually take her seriously, especially considering her employment history? you don't need to be perfect, just work hard like you always do! if you by some far off chance get fired over someone lying about you, God must have something better around the corner!
yeah, they took her seriously. that teacher wasn't fired, but she's not allowed in our classroom anymore. she's just a floater, not an actual teacher...or she probably would have been fired.
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