painting is such an emo thing to do.

more of my trip to texas:

it was fun to see the whole family. parents. sisters. brother-in-law. niece. there was lots of giggling, and lots of reminders from my sisters that i'm an idiot. they kind of prepare the way for me, though. if you give me your camera, and ask me to take pictures of your graduation from baylor, i don't know why you get upset that i took pictures of all the strangers around me. and pictures of my dad sleeping. and awkward shots of you from behind.

but...how cute is it that she chose to walk on the curb? for no reason.



but there were some tears too.

my sister had a miscarraige. while i was there. which is an incredibly personal thing to share on a blog, but it was a crazy experience. i ended up spending a lot of time baby-sitting my 15-month-old niece, and i enjoyed every second of that. i reminded her that every boring toy becomes infinitely more exciting if you put it on your head.

but it was a weird weekend. what was the point of her being pregnant for six weeks? it didn't even have a name. we had only known about it for a week. a week. but that was plenty of time for me to love it. i already felt it was part of the family.

it's just so weird to me. God created it, and He did it on purpose. God always creates on purpose. it wasn't an accident. but...why?

i'll never know.

i ended up breaking down on the flight back to nashville. good thing no one was sitting next to me.

and i decided to paint something.

i've painted two things before. both of them were so random, if you really know me like i do. which...you don't. i enjoy being creative, but it's not something i do regularly. one day i just decided i wanted to paint, even though i had no experience with that before.

they're so basic. anyone could do what i've done. i'm not saying that to downplay it, or be humble...it's just a fact. a rational thought.

and now i've done it a third time. this time, because it makes me sad that baby X will never have any pictures or anything. he had no sonogram snapshots yet.

so i painted something, but i hate it. i really do. i didn't hate the things i made before, but i hate this painting. it's so ugly. i'm trying to think of ways to fix it. but until then...here's a picture.

i painted part of a tree, because trees make me think of life. and i painted some verses from psalm 139, because i couldn't stop thinking about how God intentionally created this baby. and then took it away. i highlighted the phrases that made me think of the baby.

that's part of what i hate about it. i had to make my handwriting look like art, which it is not.

ANYWAY.

for baby: