'tis the most stressful time of the year.

the next 6-7 weeks of work are going to be super stressful.

in february we have our annual evaluation. we don't know what day yet, but should find out soon.

we only have to have a certain score to pass, but if we don't get a score higher than that...we probably lose our jobs. even though we passed.

there are so many unpredictable factors. no amount of preparation can control 2 year olds.

there are about 100 rules to be aware of all day. not exaggerating. there are so many categories we get scored on, but they all overlap.

tonight i brought back the book of how we get scored, and made a bunch of lists of rules to make it easier to understand for my co-teacher. she's new to this process. we've been working on some of them, but there's just so much...we need to hang up reminders all over the room.

it's hard for me to not worry about this. but i'm so thankful for how God helped us last year. only 3 rooms get chosen, and mine has been picked 2 years in a row. last year i was praying "please don't let us be picked. please." over and over, from the moment i woke up until i got the call that said we were picked. and then i cussed.

but while we were waiting for that call, i remember being aware of how calm things were going so far. which is not normal. and a few things were going well that usually don't go well, and i felt like God was saying "don't worry...I'm going to help you..." and i was thinking "i don't care...i'm asking You to not let this room be picked...that's what i'm asking..."

it's so revealing. every time i start to worry about it again, it's another reminder that my sense of security comes from my job...and not from Christ like it should.

and when i read the old testament, i see how whenever the Israelites worry about something, God says "but REMEMBER what I've done. I brought you out of Egypt. I did this. I did that. REMEMBER??"

so for the next 6-7 weeks (and for the rest of my life), i'm going to work on remembering and trusting. it's hard. no matter how hard i prepare, i can't control it. i'm not good with uncertainty or lack of control. but God is. remind me of that, please.

check out the very condensed, incomplete lists of rules we're going to be working on:



yes. i made them on construction paper.

i just counted. that's 75 rules right there. so we have well over 100 rules. that have to be obeyed, in part, by 2 year olds.

i'm worrying again, aren't i.

too bad this 2 year old isn't in my class, since she's PERFECT.