PB&J

today i had a teacher inservice training day.

information you need to know before i describe the day:

we each got a pair of these "sunglasses":



i put mine on the floor somewhere, but a lot people put theirs on like this:



just keep that in mind for just a minute.

seminar #1 was "emergency preparedness."

the speaker's primary example was how to handle an anthrax attack.

anthrax.

"whenever i am around a bunch of people, i always have to ask...how should we plan on getting medicine to 1 million people in 40 hours? because 40 hours is all we'd have."

about 45 minutes into learning how we would be completely unable to handle an anthrax attack at a preschool, he stopped and said:

"can y'all put your sunglasses on your face? i just want to see what everyone looks like with those sunglasses on!"

and then continued with the lecture. he did let us know that if we need information about how to handle emergencies, we could check the internet. the internet has a lot of information.

seminar #2 was "science in the classroom"

one quote from the speaker.

"i am extremely buoyant."

seminar #3 was "music and movement"

i knew we were headed for trouble when i saw her ear microphone. whenever someone wears one of those, you know they plan on wandering enthusiastically through the room.

and when she said the words "i've been told it's my job to keep you awake after the lunch break!"

i don't care to describe the singing and dancing that followed.

seminar #3 was "camping projects"

i learned a new joke.

if you're an american before you go in the bathroom, and you're an american when you come out of the bathroom, what are you INSIDE the bathroom?

european.

well, what must be must.

today's accomplishments:

i balanced my checkbook before i even went to the bathroom this morning. i woke up with a purpose, apparently.

i did laundry, including my bed sheets.

i went to the art fest. i enjoyed wandering around in the fresh air. and looking at art.

i went to a new coffee place today to read. i read 40 or so pages of "kidnapped" by robert louis stevenson.

i gave my smoothie maker a little scrub to rid it of dust because it's SUMMER. it's smoothie time.

good parts of my week:

live music. chelsey scott. crystal thomas. an unexpected evening of LIVE MUSIC. my favorite kind of music.

an arrested development viewing with acquaintances. laughter.

all i can think about:

our hot water heater is broken again.

things are weird at work because of the firings.

relationships: fight or flight? fight or flight?

found.

parent/teacher conferences are this week. which means when i get off work, i don't get to leave. i have to hang around and entertain myself until it's time.

today i went to borders. i did not buy anything.

allison: 1
borders: 10,000,000

i was planning on reading a chapter in a book i have, i just didn't have it with me. but they didn't have it either. so then i started trying to find the worst christian books ever written.

#1

bod 4 God

a christian weight-loss plan.

#2

no more christian nice girl

um. it has something to do with...not being good, but then also...being good.

#3

the gospel according to lost

the only chapter title i can remember is "Jesus wrote a best-seller."

so, lost. i've seen every episode. but i lost interest when they started talking about time travel. as soon as i realized there would be no rational explanation for the mysterious island, i checked out. i keep watching because i hate leaving things unfinished. and tonight's episode was the worst ever. other people say that, and they say it like "it was the worst! ahh! they're so cruel to us! yay!" but what i mean is...i really kind of hate it. there are HUGE HOLES in this story, and it bothers me that they haven't even addressed them with some nonsense about...time travel.

a tribute

because of the weather in nashville i wasn't able to fly and see my little sister graduate from college.

laura is really cool. she's going to be a personal trainer. even though she doesn't know anything about chia seeds.

she used to poo all over herself in her crib. every morning my mom would go into her room, and there'd just be poo everywhere. and there would be laura...right in the middle of it.

she played softball from a very young age through her first couple years of college. she's a pitcher. she could have been in the olympics, if she had tried out like i told her to. now they took softball out of the olympics, and she'll never aspire to anything.

except.

a funny

kind

thoughtful

smart

amazing

little sister

of me.

one of my few life regrets is not going to see her play softball more when i was in high school. sometimes i couldn't go because i was working. mostly i was just selfish. that's why i was extra upset at missing her graduation. it's just one more part of her life i didn't get to see. this time it wasn't my fault. but she's so cool. i wanted to be there.

she is really talented. i'm not just saying that. i'll tell you who is not talented at sports, and that's my sister emily*. i'm just saying that to prove that i can be objective. i could beat emily at any game, with one hand tied behind my back. and i'm not even good at sports myself. she's just that bad. and laura is really as good as the olympics.

laura is going to be an incredible personal trainer. and she graduated college. and i'm proud of her.

*emily is good at other things, like painting walls and hanging up curtains. just kidding, emily. (she's an interior designer). but i would definitely call her an artist. come and see the drawing she made me of the ryman. she probably did it with one hand tied behind her back. she's like van gogh. and i'm not just saying that. i'll tell you who is not an artist, and that's my sister sarah.

conversation with a 92 year old.

called my grandma for her 92nd birthday.

she's a champ.

what you should know is this set of grandparents thinks we're related to alexander hamilton. we are not. my sister found out this week on ancestry.com or something. we're not telling them. they've claimed that heritage for their whole 70-year marraige. they send me letters with ten dollar bills, and call them "grandpa hamiltons." they bring it up...OFTEN. and his name has been inserted into our family tree without any connection to anyone around him.

snippets:

me: isn't it your birthday today?
grandma: yes it is! i'm 92!
me: i know! how are you feeling?
grandma: like a million dollars.
grandpa: ALLISON?
grandma: not so loud!
grandpa: i just need to ask her one thing.
me: hey grandpa!! how are you?
grandpa: say, have i ever given you a copy of the family tree?
me: you have not.
grandpa: ok. i'm going to give you one when you come to visit us, if you want one.
me: i would love a copy of the family tree.
grandma: have we ever told you who is on our family tree? tell her grandpa.
grandpa: well, it's alexander hamilton.
me: really.
grandpa: yes, he's on the ten dollar bill.
me: how about that.

----

grandma: well our adopted family on this street has the cutest little baby girl. they bring her over every now and then.
me: oh yeah? what's her name?
grandma: hmm. let me think. grandpa do you know?
grandpa: no. it's been 2 weeks. i can't remember that long.
grandma: she has the prettiest blue eyes, though.

----

me: how have you been feeling lately?
grandma: well i'm still cancer-free. i'm not a very swift walker anymore, though.
me: well, i think that's ok.
grandma: do you hear that?
me: hear what.
grandma: that's our clock chiming. it chimes every hour.
me:...cool.


---

grandma: when you come to visit, you need to take something with you.
me: what am i taking?
grandma: you just need to have a look around our house and take something. nobody ever takes anything home with them.

FALSE. check out this gem i swiped a few years ago.



now that i have her permission, i'm going to find something equally horrifying and strange to bring back with me next time. maybe a ceramic clown.

skeptic.

i was just chuckling as i reflected on the conversations leading up to the flooding. so i'm sharing them.

saturday.

it rained, and rained. i LOVE rain. so i grabbed my books and went to ugly mugs to read and watch the rain.

a friend texted me something like "i heard the world was ending in nashville, are you ok?"

and i texted back something like "yeah! i love storms!"

internal dialogue: weird.

a few minutes later my roommate called me to make sure i wasn't on the interstate because "cars are floating down the interstate."

internal dialogue: i wonder what that really means..

me: cars are...floating down the interstate?
her: yeah. i just wanted to check on you.
me: what?
her: the interstates are flooding.
me: WHAT? i don't understand.
her: people are trapped, they're climbing over the medians are trying to get away.
me: what??
her: yeah, it's crazy. we decided not to go anywhere.
me: what?

i can't remember what i was picturing in my mind, but it wasn't a flood. i still didn't believe she meant "flood." not that i think she's a liar. like i would live with a known liar.

i kept reading. it was the last few articles of the federalist papers. i had momentum on my side. i had to finish while my brain was still comprehending.

when i got back, i just remember standing there and saying "what?" a million more times. and expressing confusion because the sections of the interstate that i drive on are so far above ground. "aren't the interstates, like, above ground?" i asked.

it has been so very bizarre. even when i was helping one family bail water out of their basement, i still wasn't thinking "FLOOD." because the streets around their house were fine. but then i started seeing the pictures of downtown.




then i remembered the one other flood i've been through. it was in the 90's. i was a tiny person. so here's what my child mind remembers. lots of free sandwiches at my church. with really good turkey. we were helping people, we weren't the victims. this woman my mom knows was very upset. she kept saying "my pitchers, my pitchers. they're all gone. my pitchers." and i thought "i wonder why she's so sad about her dishes."

later on in life i realized she meant "pictures."

234

i finally finished the federalist papers.

it has been so interesting to see how what they hoped and planned for just...did not play out. because human beings were responsible for carrying the plans out, and human beings are corrupt.

it was also interesting to read about some rights that have been ignored in recent years. rights that have not been protected.

ugh.

some final quotes:

"No legislative act, therefore, contrary to the Constitution, can be valid. To deny this would be to affirm that the deputy is greater than his principal; that the servant is above his master; that the representatives of the people are superior to the people themselves; that men acting by virtue of powers may do not only what their powers do not authorize, but what they forbid."

"A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. - That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. - That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it; and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness...But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

ron paul 2012.
http://www.campaignforliberty.com/
just saying.