i know fear.

Laden With Guilt and Full of Fears

1. Laden with guilt and full of fears,
I fly to Thee, my Lord,
And not a glimpse of hope appears,
But in Thy written Word
The volumes of my Father’s grace
Does all my griefs assuage
Here I behold my Savior’s face
In every page.

2. This is the field where, hidden, lies
The pearl of price unknown
That merchant is divinely wise
Who makes the pearl his own
Here consecrated water flows
To quench my thirst of sin
Here the fair tree of knowledge grows,
No danger dwells within.

3. This is the judge that ends the strife,
Where wit and reason fail
My guide to everlasting life
Through all this gloomy vale
Oh may Thy counsels, mighty God,
My roving feet command,
Nor I forsake the happy road
That leads to Thy right hand.

In the Hours

1. In the hours of pain and sorrow,
When the world brings no relief
When the eye is dim and heavy,
And the heart oppressed with grief
While blessings flee, Savior Lord we trust in Thee!
While blessings flee, Savior Lord we trust in Thee!

2. When the snares of death surround us,
Pride, ambition, love of ease
Mammon with her false allurements,
Words that flatter, smiles that please
Then ere we yield, Savior Lord be Thou our shield
Then ere we yield, Savior Lord be Thou our shield

3. When forsaken in distress,
Poor despised and tempest-tossed
With no anchor here to stay us,
Drifting, sail and rudder lost
Then save us Thou, who trod this earth with weary brow
Then save us Thou, who trod this earth with weary brow

4. Thou the hated and forsaken,
Thou the bearer of the cross
Crowned of thorns and mocked and smitten,
Counting earthly gain but loss
When scorned are we, We joy to be the more like Thee
When scorned are we, We joy to be the more like Thee

5. Thou the Fathers best beloved,
Thou the throned and sceptered King
Who but Thee should we adoring,
All our prayers and praises bring?
So blessed are we, Savior Lord in loving Thee
So blessed are we, Savior Lord in loving Thee

boo.

that's right. i carved that. it's a spider, in honor of my arachniphobia. but i know you can tell it's a spider, because it's awesome.

tomorrow is halloween!

i kind of forgot that a basic part of my job description is to wear something halloweenish tomorrow. i work with kids. halloween is for kids. and witches.

so i went to target tonight. the night before halloween. i was hoping to find some cat ears or something, so i could be a cat like pam on the office. (because i can't actually be pam at a preschool like i want to...there's nothing kid friendly about that).

i found something that will work in the dollar section. there's always something deliciously random in the dollar section at target.

moose ears!

that's what i'm going to be. a moose. i don't know what a moose sounds like. all i know about a moose is that it has big ears that kind of look like hands. but i'm going to be wearing the ears, so i won't need to use my hands. i need to do some research.

and no, they aren't reindeer ears. the tag says moose ears.

but i will say that if i had found a santa hat, i would have absolutely worn that. the irony would have been too magical to resist.

i'm no piper.

this blog will never be a place for devotionals. i like to be ridiculous. i enjoy that way more than being serious. i'm about to share something serious, but i'm going to follow it with something ridiculous. because this is not a serious blog. usually. usually. but you can always tell i'm being serious when i use italics.

so i just read Genesis 21. it's when isaac was born.

that's nice. the promised covenant child. sarah laughed. we all like abraham.

what i really enjoyed about the story this time around, was when hagar and ishmael were sent out to the desert.

the background information here is that God promised a son to abraham, and he was old. and so was his wife sarah. like, really old. so old it's super gross to think about them having sex. so abraham was like "whatever, man. i believe you, but i don't really believe you." and then sarah was like "hagar, servant girl, sleep with my husband and give him a son." because we humans love to take matters into our own hands. so hagar had ishmael.

well in this chapter, isaac (the son that God promised would come, through sarah and abraham) was born. and sarah got all pissy because ishmael was hanging around, being an obnoxious older brother. but God said...yeah, they should probably leave.

so hagar and ishmael were banished. banished! they were sent on their way to wander around. can you imagine how lonely that was? abraham had been taking care of them and loving them (some other verses in this chapter and other chapters implied...he cared about them), so they were used to being part of that family, and all of a sudden they weren't. ishmael shouldn't have been born like that, but that's not hagar or ishmael's fault. so they were basically being punished for other people's actions. or so it seemed. they were in the desert. they were thirsty. they were crying. i'm sure it seemed like there was no hope for them, at all. i don't know the depth of those feelings, but i know what it's like to feel abandoned and hopeless. of course God showed up and said that He would make ishmael into a nation also, and it says "God was with the boy as he grew up" which is cool too.

so i was reading this story, and i just really related to it today. and i wonder why no one ever really talks about this part of the story. everyone's all about isaac and sarah and abraham. but there's this great side story about hagar and ishmael.

i mean really, when is the last time someone named their baby "hagar"? she went through some stuff.

i don't have a good summary. or a point. i'm just noting that it's a great story that is overshadowed by the awesomeness of what God did through abraham, isaac, and sarah.

so it's time for something ridiculous.

there's a girl in my class who is going through a phase. a phase where she likes to take her pants off. a lot. and sometimes when i try to pull them back up, she wiggles around so much that i can't actually get her pants back on. and yesterday i actually started laughing, maybe a little too much, because i realized how absurd it was for me to have to convince someone to keep their pants on.

monday, monday, monday.

my job made me laugh again today.

the first boy was dropped off and his dad said, "he'll probably be kind of tired today. he stayed up late watching 'army wives.'"

how, exactly, does that happen?

the next kid was dropped off, and her mom informed me that she would also be tired today. because of all the sleepwalking.

her description of last night at their house disturbed me.

she said at one point they heard her chattering and went into her room and discovered that she was sleeptalking to her baby dolls. just standing in the middle of the room, talking to them. while sleeping.

and that later they heard her running around in her room, so the mom went in and said "what are you DOING? it is not time to run around! you need to be sleeping..." and she just collapsed on the floor, instantly, into a deep sleep.

that is so eery.

that same girl is going through a phase where she screams "happy birthday!" throughout the day, for no reason. so we play along and ask whose birthday it is, and every day she picks someone different. one day it was mine. but not today.

no, today is santa's birthday.

october 27th. mark your calendars.

james morrison might be guilty.

i went to youtube today to look for a video. i have no idea why, but youtube's recommended picks for me today were:

Benny Hinn: Let the Bodies Hit the Floor
The Rapture: You NEED to see this
something about John McCain

what?

i've never in my life watched something about benny hinn on youtube. or the rapture. it was also strange that the picture shown for the rapture video was of george bush. the original george bush.

so weird.

i was looking for a john mccain video that someone told me was funny the other day. i guess youtube thinks every john mccain supporter (which i am not, see yesterday's post) is a benny hinn supporter? WHAT?

anyway. here's the video i was looking for. i guess you could put colbie caillat in my "guilty pleasure" music file. ("guilty" because she doesn't sing about anything new or interesting...and it's not the best music...i just like it when a girl singer sings in my range...and sometimes simple ideas make ok songs...)

martin luther.

i went to a great concert last night. i don't know if i've ever mentioned it on here, but...i LOVE live music. more than any other kind of music. and i haven't had any in a long time. (unless you count me singing, all the time, alone in my apartment...and i don't. my neighbors probably want me to stop. if i can hear their clock chime every 15 minutes, i guess they can hear me too...it just doesn't seem like it...)

the art music justice tour. sara groves. sandra mccracken. derek webb. charlie peacock.

brandon heath?

weird addition. i'm not saying he's a loser. i'm just saying...i never would have put that together myself. it worked though. in a way.

not the point.

wonderful, relaxing, inspiring, quality, live music. i don't regret staying up "late" for it. even though when i got back from work today i discovered that i left my milk ON TOP of the fridge, because i am completely unable to function in the morning on less than 7-8 hours sleep. and, oh yeah, i spilled my cereal on me while i was eating it this morning. not a good morning.

that's not the point either.

in between sets they talked about different organizations that do their part in bringing justice to the world. freeing slaves. feeding the hungry. it was great.

that's not the point either. it should be. but it's not.

it's been a few years since i've heard derek webb share his thoughts on a controversial subject, so i forgot that i'm always supposed to have a pen and paper with me when he speaks.

he said some words about the upcoming election. and so did my Pastor on sunday. i'm waiting for that to be posted on the website so i can post it on here, because both of them were very encouraging to me...the mystical undecided voter. my Pastor reiterated that our church doesn't endorse a specific candidate, and that Christians should make informed decisions, and be involved in the political process. and voting is one way to do that. people fought for our right to vote. it's important.

but derek's comments reminded me...i am free in Christ. i am free to vote, and i am free not to vote. mainly because he said, "you are free not to vote."

he talked a minute about how by this point a lot of people have decided who to vote for, and that's great. however, there are others of us that are probably just leaning towards one of them. but still...there's something gnawing at us. something that bothers us about that candidate. something we can't fully support. something our conscience won't let us disregard. and he talked about how it's not good to make decisions that go against our conscience. so he said...pray about it. think about it. search the Bible for a mandate to vote. and when we don't find that mandate, to remember...we are free. Christian liberty. something won for us on the Cross, among other glorious riches.

it's a privilege to live in this country. it's a blessing, actually. like i said, people fought for the right to vote. it matters.

being an american is nice. but i'm a Christian first, before everything else. i can't vote for john mccain because he is against abortion, but pretend that greed doesn't influence his policies. i can't vote for barack obama because i like what he has to say about the middle class, but pretend that i don't care that more babies will die. (totally just oversimplified both of their platforms to two complex issues...i know...)

i'm not suggesting that Christians shouldn't vote, or that my conscience is purer than other Christians and that's why i can't bring myself to vote. no. a lot of wise and godly Christians are voting. i just can't make a decision, and that's ok. i'm using my voice to say i don't support either of them. and i'm completely free in Christ to not vote.

i'm looking into third party candidates, but if i can't figure them out...i'm embracing Christian liberty. and i feel so much more at peace about that than i have felt in the past couple of months trying to figure out who to vote for.

bust a move.

this is a couple months old, and i forgot about it. i ran across it again today.



ridiculous.