Monday, June 8, 2009

i have to make china out of construction paper.

this:



is my pathetic interpretation of this:



i should add that i didn't draw the chinese symbols. the children did. i don't know why i'm trying to save face at this point, but there's that.

does anyone know how to make a slightly-less-menacing-than-normal-chinese dragon?

seriously.

Friday, June 5, 2009

things are looking up.

i had an unspeakably frustrating week.

*insert complaining and whining here*

i've had a fever on and off for three days.

no, that's not complaining.

because i kind of like having fevers. it validates my misery. it's so easy to have a sore throat and brush it off, because "it's not like i'm vomiting."

but a fever? that changes everything.

so now i'm going to spend the weekend on cold medicine (YUM) and fever reducers, and watch one of my favorite movies.

(i just complained without actually complaining. how smooth was that?)

Thursday, June 4, 2009

i don't pick my nose.

they lap puddles up off the ground.

they lick the doors and tables.

they put toys in their mouth.

they eat off the floor.

they take poop out of their diapers. i'm sorry. maybe i went to far with that one.

but...

why do i get sick and they don't?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

a story without an ending.

got myself a fever today.

left work early.

went to the pharmacy...

had a weird experience.

every time i get this cold-ish thing, i buy actifed or nyquil. nyquil is for the weekend when i have a million hours to spare for sleep. actifed...has actual healing properties. so i always buy that, and then my dad (a pharmacist) always tells me "the actifed sold on the shelf is new, and different. it's not as good as what you used to take. go to the pharmacy counter, and ask them for the older version."

i usually forget to do that, but today i remembered. so i went to the counter and....

sounded like a crazy person.

"my dad said there's an older version of actifed, or something, behind the counter with y'all. is that...real? do you know what i mean?"

they mumbled and scanned the products. they came up with something, and asked if that's what i wanted, but wouldn't let me hold the box. it's special. they have to get your drivers license and other information before they'll let you touch it. but i didn't want to buy the wrong thing, so i said "let me just call my dad first and make sure that's the right thing, i want to make sure it's right so i can actually feel better."

and based on the looks on their faces, i think what they heard was:

"i uh, need to make a...call. i'll uh, go ask my...dad...yeah, my dad. so he can tell me if this will make me feel, uh...'better'...if you know what i mean..."

so i called my dad, and asked him for some powerful pharmacist lingo so they would know i'm not trying to make recreational drugs or get high.

me: does it have any tri-clo-vo-dine?
pharmacists: any what?
me: tri-clo-vo-dine. or something. something like that.
pharmacists: do you mean tripolidine?
me: mmm hmm.
pharmacists: yeah, it says so right here on the box.
me: great. i'll take it.

so that was weird. the end.

then i went to get some mousse for my wild locks, and an old lady asked my opinion on pantene's hair products. i gave them a raving review. and i thought to myself "i doubt guys have conversations like this in the grocery store."

i can't picture it, anyway. two guys standing by the old spice (or whatever?), and one of them asks "as a brand, do you trust their products? does it leave you feeling fresh and clean? what do you recommend?" there's no way that happens. no way.

and when i got back to my apartment, i took a nap without fear that it would prevent me from going to sleep tonight.

because i'm taking "genac" tonight. that's the older version of actifed. it's like nyquil, only it heals you. and it won't keep me asleep for 10 hours. i know what you're thinking. "then why don't you just take that all the time? especially since a box of 24 tablets is only two dollars?"

because i want to sleep for 10 hours. i do not sleep well. i toss and turn, i wake up half an hour before my alarm clock (and a few times before that...) almost every night. with nyquil, i catch up. i get to rest. it's delicious. i wake up sick, but i wake up rested. i'd rather have a cold than a poor night's sleep.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

"i'm a night owl, and an early bird. so i am wise, and i have worms."

i love sleeping. especially during a storm. or when i've stayed up really late, and can barely keep my eyes open because i'm so tired.

oooh, or the best...

after i've taken nyquil. the label is true. it is habit forming. i would gladly form an addiction if i had no Jesus.

but mostly i hate sleeping.

as soon as i go to bed, it is tomorrow.

am i the only one who feels that way?

i also hate 6am. i hate it so much that one time i set my alarm for 6am on a saturday, just so i could wake up, turn my alarm off, and fall back asleep. i felt like i won. i beat 6am that day.

but tomorrow it owns me.