i'mthechief

'tis the most stressful time of the year.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:40:00 +0000

the next 6-7 weeks of work are going to be super stressful.

in february we have our annual evaluation. we don't know what day yet, but should find out soon.

we only have to have a certain score to pass, but if we don't get a score higher than that...we probably lose our jobs. even though we passed.

there are so many unpredictable factors. no amount of preparation can control 2 year olds.

there are about 100 rules to be aware of all day. not exaggerating. there are so many categories we get scored on, but they all overlap.

tonight i brought back the book of how we get scored, and made a bunch of lists of rules to make it easier to understand for my co-teacher. she's new to this process. we've been working on some of them, but there's just so much...we need to hang up reminders all over the room.

it's hard for me to not worry about this. but i'm so thankful for how God helped us last year. only 3 rooms get chosen, and mine has been picked 2 years in a row. last year i was praying "please don't let us be picked. please." over and over, from the moment i woke up until i got the call that said we were picked. and then i cussed.

but while we were waiting for that call, i remember being aware of how calm things were going so far. which is not normal. and a few things were going well that usually don't go well, and i felt like God was saying "don't worry...I'm going to help you..." and i was thinking "i don't care...i'm asking You to not let this room be picked...that's what i'm asking..."

it's so revealing. every time i start to worry about it again, it's another reminder that my sense of security comes from my job...and not from Christ like it should.

and when i read the old testament, i see how whenever the Israelites worry about something, God says "but REMEMBER what I've done. I brought you out of Egypt. I did this. I did that. REMEMBER??"

so for the next 6-7 weeks (and for the rest of my life), i'm going to work on remembering and trusting. it's hard. no matter how hard i prepare, i can't control it. i'm not good with uncertainty or lack of control. but God is. remind me of that, please.

check out the very condensed, incomplete lists of rules we're going to be working on:

yes. i made them on construction paper.

i just counted. that's 75 rules right there. so we have well over 100 rules. that have to be obeyed, in part, by 2 year olds.

i'm worrying again, aren't i.

too bad this 2 year old isn't in my class, since she's PERFECT.

the mundane.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 19:10:00 +0000

- trip over. i'm back.

- i hate continental express jets. they make me feel sick. they're really hot. and my ears hurt every time i fly on them. it takes an hour or so for me to hear well again. and the woman next to me threw up. so no, it's not just me.

- i had to park in long-term parking. when i took the shuttle back to my spot, a mom by herself with her 2 year old got on. with two huge bags of luggage. i helped her with them, and felt like...a gentleman. not one man offered to help her! that would not happen in texas. i helped her. it's not that i think it's the men who have to do it, it's just that they always do in texas. without hesitation. the Christian guys here do, usually. but in texas...they all do.

- my vague new year's resolution is that i am not putting any of my cards on the table.

- my public new year's resolution is that i will continue seeking good news sources. i have been reading glenn greenwald on salon.com, and it's been so great. he is not perfect, but he finds things to praise and criticize about "both sides" in politics. and since i'm a "no side" kind of a person, i find that refreshing. but i need more than one source. everyone does.

- monday. sigh.

my kind of lullabye.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:47:00 +0000

Christmas Eve:

- last night i got to fall asleep to the soothing sounds of a thunderstorm. a texas thunderstorm. they are, of course, more magical. i sleep like a baby in thunderstorms, because i grew up with them. i'm glad this trip included one.

- my dad has the day off, and he chose to watch garfield. he was also laughing hysterically when my sister watched bewitched. the movie. you never know what will make him laugh. he's a very serious man. but whenever he sees something he thinks is funny, he can't hold back. it's always unexpected. love it.

- i mentioned yesterday that i'm going through a "surprise" phase. last night i wrapped presents and remembered this is not so new. for several years now, i have been leaving labels off the presents i wrap so my siblings won't know which one is theirs, and therefore...cannot guess what it is. to preserve the surprise! AND, when we were younger, my mom let each of us pick one present to unwrap on Christmas eve. i never did. i saved them all.

- Christmas threw up in this house. everything is red and green, santa themed, or sparkly. this is not your normal Christmas decor. i'm sitting next to a tissue box, which has a knitted red and green cover. there are nutcrackers, gingerbread men candles, musical trinkets, and four sleighs with different functions all within eyesight.

- i am looking forward to the service tonight, even though it takes place in a church with a culture that is the opposite of the one i attend. it's the main event for me this year. this year i have felt renewed wonder and excitement about what happened that day in that stable...

day two.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 01:59:00 +0000

today's highlights:

- my little sister says "happy Christmas adam" the day before Christmas eve, and apparently, i'm the only loser who needed that explained to them.

REALLY?

- when people go "home" they usually have deep thoughts about how everything is the same.

i am always surprised by how many changes take place. i have absolutely no idea how to work my parents' microwave or oven. no idea. they even showed me once, and i still can't figure it out. when i went to get water out of the refrigerator door, it spilled all over the floor because it came out of a place i did not expect.

they always have little remodeling projects going on. apparently, all those years with children around were holding them back. they're ready to get back to their own lives now that they have a mostly empty nest.

- one of my high school friends has lost over 100 pounds. awesome!

- i am so allergic to houston.

- cable tv has so much programming. how do i ever pass the time without it? (stay tuned for my end of the year book report...a list of all the books i read this year...)

- i've actually become more out of tune with our culture of technology than my own parents. they have a DVR. my mom has a laptop. i don't. my dad has an iphone. i don't even have an ipod.

- i am going through a surprise phase. i just went to dinner with a friend, and told her not to tell me where we were going. i hope this is not just a phase, but a new lifestyle.

- our dog, angel, is blind. "was angel excited to...sense you...when you got here?"

Christmas eve awaits.

first impressions.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:47:00 +0000

back in texas.

the facts so far:

the church i grew up in is giving away a puppy during the Christmas eve service. not sure why.

my mom spelled the word "crap" instead of actually saying it.

and then, i saw my 26 year old friend on gmail (his age is totally relevant):

me: i am in texas
Ford: what?
where?
for how long?
me: until sunday morning
Ford: well
i will probably not be able to see you
me: lame
i figured as much
Ford: =(
me: where the hell are you
Ford: unless you want to drive down to see me on christmas eve!
in the play i'm in!
i am a sheep
me: pass.
wait
what
Ford: my breakout performance
people will be talking about it for years to come
me: more details. please.
Ford: the theater as we know it will be irrevocably changed
i play a sheep
me: i don't doubt that
Ford: one of many, but, you know
me: you're in a Christmas play? as a sheep?
how did this come to be
Ford: i'm really the focus
me: the sheep usually are.
Ford: well, there is a christmas play
with animals
some of which are sheep
i am one of those
Ford: i baa
and jump around
me: are you, like, on all fours?
Ford: not at the moment
nor in the play
me: why not get little children to do this
how can you be a sheep but not be on all fours
Ford: i am a pretty clever sheep
me: i'm so confused
Ford: i have figured out bipedal locomotion
me: but why. why are you a sheep who stands.
is this like...a comedy?
Ford: to teach people about jesus, obviously
i guess
me: it has to be
what are you wearing
Ford: in the play?
white sweatsuit and a mask
black socks
me: this is so strange.
your church is putting on a funny Christmas play?
Ford: you're missing out
yeah
why is that strange
it will bring joy to an otherwise bleak holdiay
me: Christmas is a bit of a downer.
promises kept, prophecies fulfilled
Ford: yeah
who wants that?
not the jews!

texas.

surreal.

awesome.

i prefer elizabeth bennett.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:24:00 +0000

i just finished reading "passion and purity" for the fourth time.

the last 3 times i read it, i was held captive by some crush on a guy. 3 different guys. probably. so i'd read it, because it's such a sweet love story. and i'd be like "awwwwww that's soooooooo great."

oh, younger allison. how different you were.

but this time i had a different reason to read it.

i've mentioned that i am thinking through the consistent war that rages inside me...the tension between reason and emotion. i think through life logically. i deal with my emotions rationally. i reason them away. but i'm not always sure this is best. and i think this book speaks to that. i hope for different things, and tend to silence the hope.

the book very much talks about acknowledging those hopes and trusting God with them. i think my habit of being rational is sometimes a form of not trusting God. i'm trusting my own ability to reason.

so, here are some great quotes about that very subject.

"I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within onself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts. It is easy to talk oneself into a decision that has no permanence - easier sometimes than to wait patiently."

"Taken in a spirit of trust, even loneliness contributes to the maturing of character, even the endurance of separation and silence and that hardest thing of all, uncertainty, can build in us a steady hope."

"It would be the easy road if the desire itself simply disappeared."

"If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord?...How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?"

"The disposition...to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self." - T.C. Upham

"Besides this, there is the somewhat philosophical realization that actually I have lost nothing. We may imagine what it would be like to share a given event and feel loss at having to experience it alone. But let us not forget - that loss is imagined, not real. I imagine peaks of enjoyment when I think of doing things together, but let not the hoping for it dull the doing of it alone. What is, is actual - what might be simply is not, and I must not therefore query God as though He robbed me - of things that are not. Further, the things that are belong to us, and they are good, God given, and enriched. Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."

"Obedience involves for us, not physical suffering, perhaps, nor social ostracism as it has for some, but this warring with worries and regrets, this bringing into captivity our thoughts. We have planted (in our integrity) the banner of our trust in God. The consequences are His responsibility."

"I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there."

number three

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:59:00 +0000

i forgot to tell a short story about my trip to texas last weekend.

part 1:

i remembered to pack my socks, a necklace, pajamas, cell phone charger, kailey's present, camera, and everything except...a change of clothes. how sad. i had this super cute outfit i wanted to wear, and didn't even pack it. so i had to wear the same outfit all weekend.

shrug.

part 2:

we had to drive a few hours from houston to my older sister's house.

i got bored on the drive, so i started rifling through my little sister's things. usually i start poking and pinching her, so this was a change of pace.

first thing i pulled out of her large bag that she brought for our DAY TRIP, was...a mirror.

um. what?

she said it's because it's hard to see the back of her head when she straightens her hair. so i can only assume there was also a straightener in there somewhere.

then i pulled out a bottle of perfume.

perfume for a 2 year old's birthday party.

maybe she was hoping one of the other kids would show up with their single uncle?

here's what i want to know.

how are we so different?

my mind hurts.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:27:00 +0000

i need some feedback on this one.

i'm thinking through the issue of "hope" again.

and whether or not it's ever ok for a Christian to say "i give up. no more hope."

i'm speaking not of hope about the big picture, but hope about a specific situation.

i'm going to give an example. it's just an example. it's not the situation on my mind, but it actually compares really well.

so, for example:

i am looking for a new job. let's say that 15-20 years from now, nothing about my job situation has changed. i'm working the same job. i've applied for thousands more, and gone on thousands of interviews. but there's still no new job. i go on the interviews, and they go well. people like me. they say i have potential. but they always go with someone else. i get really close to having that new job, but i never actually get one.

is it ok to say "abandon hope" about that situation? to stop hoping for a new job?

God hasn't promised that i'll get a better job, or that i'll ever make a certain amount of money. He hasn't.

and it's not as though i've been saying "i need this new job. if i don't have this new job, my life has no meaning. i don't know what i'll do without a new job."

i haven't put my hope in that job, but i still hope to get one.

i find joy in different aspects of my life, and of course in Christ. i have all i need.

but every now and then, i'll see a new job posting, and think "that'd be a great job." so i apply for it. and get turned down. again, and again. and again and again.

isn't it foolish to continue hoping for a new job? isn't giving up hope the most rational thing to do?

i hope and trust and know that God provides for my every need, and i am satisfied with Him being in charge. of course i have moments when that's not true, but mostly...i like Him being in charge. even though my job is hard, i have learned so much through it. so much about myself, my sin, and my need for God. and how beautiful and wonderful He is.

but this hope, this longing...won't go away. i'm about to pray for God to take the hope away, but something about that just seems strange. and i feel like He won't. because it's been 15 years.

of course this is complicated and i even have some ideas, but i'd still like some thoughts.

a lovely weekend.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:55:00 +0000

isn't she the cutest.

i, being a narcissist, took a video of her opening the present i got her. i think she's got the cutest little voice, and i love hearing her say my name. she calls me allie. which no one ever does. ever. my mom called me "allie nay" sometimes, because my middle name is renee. but thats it. aunt allie. that's me.

and another video just because...

check out my sister's belly. that's so weird to say. gross. but there's a baby in there!

wonder.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 04:04:00 +0000

this blows my mind.

kailey's first Christmas, the first time i met her, when she was just a few weeks old:

her second Christmas:

this year's picture:

how in the world.

i can remember growing up, when people used to tell me: "look how big you've gotten! you've grown so much!" and i'd think "um. OK. i'm the same as always. who are you, anyway..."

now i understand.

i can't wait to see her on saturday for her big 2nd birthday!

you and i, both.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:59:00 +0000

today was a series of strange happenings.

i woke up at 6am. normal. my toilet was running. so i had to turn the water off. i was glad that at some point in my life i learned to do that. it was not weird to have a running toilet, and it was not weird to turn the water off. and it was not even weird to be thankful that i knew to do so. it was weird to be aware at 6am that i was glad to know to turn the water off. i'm not usually aware of anything at 6am.

continuing my day...

for the past few mornings i have left for work, and been stricken with panic halfway through my drive. "did i lock the door? i don't remember locking the door. i don't think i locked the door." but it's too late to turn back at that point. i get so used to my routines that i don't remember going through them. so this morning, continuing with the weirdness, i had enough presence of mind to tell myself "you are locking the door. you are locking the door. you are locking the door."

then i realized i forgot my cell phone, which i never do, so i had to go back in and get it. and lock my door again. "you are locking the door again. you are locking the door again."

weird.

i went to hear tim keller speak.

not weird.

but i went there straight from work, so i got there way early. so i brought a book and a flashlight. i don't know why i didn't just go in way early, but i actually thought ahead to bring a flashlight. and a book. beowulf. so i read beowulf in my car, with a flashlight.

weird.

also weird: i strategically picked my parking spot so that i'd be one of the first to exit. a few minutes after i pulled in, they blocked off my section of the parking lot so no one else could get in. they wanted to fill the back section up first. so i sat there, feeling like a criminal, in the middle of an empty parking lot, reading beowulf with a flashlight.

i went in eventually, blah blah. one of the first sentences out of his mouth was "to use augustinian language..."

and my immediate thought was "oh my gosh. i love being here right now."

and then...

"don't forget to go to the bathroom here before you leave. your toilet is running."

weird day.

MLIA

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:21:00 +0000

my night vision is not so good.

tonight i saw a guy walking down the street carrying what i thought was a boombox. like in the 90's. turns out, it was a case of beer. i was disappointed.

and a different night i thought i saw a bride and groom walking down the street. but it was just someone carrying a large, white, trash bag.

shrug.

i am so angry with my subconscious self.

there are only a few ways a 25-year-old single girl can deal with the fact that she's single and doesn't want to be.

she can totally lose her mind, stalk a guy, make him feel uncomfortable, and cry a lot.

she can "take it to the cross", gaze at Christ, and remember He is captivating, satisfying, and lovely. she can remind herself that she is more than ok, she is loved by God.

that is, of course, the best method.

i usually choose to ignore the desire all together. i am such a robot, you have no idea. if i meet a guy i like, i talk myself out of the crush within a week. successfully. you don't believe me, because you can't do it. but i can.

the one flaw with this gift is that i have not yet discovered how to control my dreams. ugh. last night i dreamed i got engaged. UGH. and it was, like, enjoyable or whatever. but then, you know, i woke up.

hey self: suppress what i tell you to suppress!

however, the night before i had a more awesome dream. both of these were the result of cold medicine. i have the best dreams on cold medicine. so lucid.

so this other dream was about the end of the world. oh yeah.

a few friends and i developed this indestructible pod thing, and all climbed inside when it started flooding, which we knew was a clue that the world was ending. we even had glass windows to look through, and watch all the people drowning (sorry?), and even those did not get broken.

but then we were floating by all these people eating dinner. people i know! people from church, people from college. none of them cared at all that the world was ending. i was like "thats weird." all those people i respected thought nothing was amiss.

so we kept floating along.

and eventually landed...in a desert. then we realized "crap. the world did not end. it was just a flood. now we're stuck in the desert." but, we also discovered that someone had put a million dollars in our pod, because they knew it wasn't really the end of the world, and we'd need some money to get back when we figured it out.

~ the end ~

how many of your dreams have plots and conclusions?

conversations with 2 year olds.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:54:00 +0000

girl: whats that?
me: what do you think?
girl: i don't know.
me: it's a bird!
girl: it's a parrot.

why bother asking.

ugh, rat cage.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:40:00 +0000

“Perhaps a lunatic is simply a minority of one.” – 1984, George Orwell

i have so many thoughts swimming through my head. i just finished reading “the irresistible revolution.”

it’s nice to know i’m not as crazy as it sometimes feels i am. that’s hard to break down. example: i voted third party in the last election. some people’s comments made it seem like i was naïve or didn’t put enough thought into my vote. i’m not crazy.

i am taking two major thoughts away from this book.

1) the vision and drive to help eradicate poverty in other countries, and even in our own, is coming largely from unbelievers. this should not be. but if we don’t cry out, the rocks will, right? and they have been…

2) “Almost every time we talk with affluent folks about God’s will to end poverty, someone says, “But didn’t Jesus say, ‘The poor will always be with you’?” Many of the people who whip out this verse have grown quite insulated and distant from the poor and feel defensive. I usually gently ask, “Where are the poor? Are the poor among us?” The answer is usually a clear negatory…Far from saying in defeat that we should not worry about the poor, since they will always be among us, Jesus is pointing the church to her true identity – she is to live close to those who suffer.”

that’s a big one for me. i hear that objection a lot. and it has always been unsettling. anytime you get worked up about poverty, someone says that! as if that’s an excuse for not weeping for those who suffer. not just donating money or serving dinner to homeless people on thanksgiving, but actually grieving the fact that people live in poverty. are the poor with me? not just out in the world somewhere, but sitting on my front porch or in the pew next to me at church.

it is hard to have passions and dreams that other people explain away, or don’t feel themselves.. it is discouraging to feel hope for change, but not know how to bring it about. this book has definitely helped me process a lot that has been stirring inside me for the past few years. which is too long. when i graduated, i had a super hard time trying to find a job. even though i have one of those magical college degrees. so i began to imagine how hard it must be for people who don't have one...which opened the door to a lot more questions.

and now i can never go back to ignoring poverty, or how it happens. or blaming the people in poverty for not working hard enough.

i don’t feel like saying anything else. i don’t really know what to say. or do. but i’m so glad i go to a church that has the same crazy dreams, and can help me figure it all out.

just read these quotes. believe it or not, i narrowed it down.

Meanwhile, many of us find ourselves estranged from the narrow issues that define conservatives and from the shallow spirituality that marks liberals. We are thirsty for social justice and peace but have a hard time finding a faith community that is consistently pro-life or that recognizes that there are “moral issues” other than homosexuality and abortion, moral issues like war and poverty.

We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without taking up ours. I had come to see that the great tragedy in the church is not that rich Christians do not care about the poor but that rich Christians do not know the poor.

If you ask most people what Christians believe, they can tell you, “Christians believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that Jesus rose from the dead.” But if you ask the average person how Christians live, they are struck silent. We have not shown the world another way of doing life.

Sometimes we speak to change the world; other times we speak to keep the world from changing us. We are about ending poverty, not simply managing it. We give people fish. We teach them to fish. We tear down the walls that have been built up around the fish pond. And we figure out who polluted it.

We try to make the world safe, knowing that the world will never be safe as long as millions live in poverty so the few can live as they wish.

It is a beautiful thing when folks in poverty are no longer just a missions project but become genuine friends and family with whom we laugh, cry, dream, and struggle.

Once we are actually friends with folks in struggle, we start to ask why people are poor, which is never as popular as giving to charity.

When the church becomes a place of brokerage rather than an organic community, she ceases to be alive. She ceases to be something we are, the living bride of Christ. The church becomes a distribution center, a place where the poor come to get stuff and the rich come to dump stuff. Both go away satisfied (the rich feel good, the poor get clothed and fed), but no one leaves transformed. No radical new community is formed.

As we consider what it means to be “born again,” as the evangelical jargon goes, we must ask what it means to be born again into a family in which our sisters and brothers are starving to death….It also becomes scandalous for the church to spend money on windows and buildings when some family members don’t even have water.

I’m convinced that God did not mess up and make too many people and not enough stuff. Poverty was created not by God but by you and me, because we have not learned to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Look into the eyes of the ones who are hardest for you to like, and see the One you love.

While most activists could use a good dose of gentleness (after all, it is a fruit of the Spirit), I think most believers could use a good dose of holy anger.

…what is crazier: one person owning the same amount of money as the combined economies of twenty-three countries, or suggesting that if we shared, there would be enough for everyone?

Someday war and poverty will be crazy, and we will wonder how the world allowed such things to exist. Some of us have just caught a glimpse of the beauty of the promised land, and it is so dazzling that our eyes are forever fixed on it, never to look back at the way of that old empire again.

november 7th.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:41:00 +0000

what do you do when one of your best friends gets MARRIED, and you can't go to the wedding?

you feel sad that you can't be there.

you think about how the word "congratulations" is not quite enough to convey what you feel.

you steal a picture of them off of facebook to put on your blog, and don't really care how creeped out you would feel if someone did that with your picture.

you remember how a few months before they started dating, you totally called it. which is more impressive when you remember that you didn't know her name, and he lived in another country at the time.

but mostly...

you thank God for something so wonderful, and rejoice with them from halfway across the country.

and once again request that their first daughter be named allison. or renee. just because.

b.s.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:52:00 +0000

don't know why this song is in my head today. i've never even seen the movie.

there's one movie coming out i'm excited to see. arrested development.

i thought about that today because a new teacher at our school is from england. and we were talking today (and she is so nice!), and she was talking about england. so i started talking about how i've never been there, but i really love english/british writers. because they're so smart. and funny.

and it reminded me of a few episodes of arrested development. when michael dates a mentally disabled person who has a british accent, he just doesn't notice because of her accent. because it makes her sound smart.

best mocking of stereotypes ever.

october 31, 1517.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 05:23:00 +0000

it was interesting to read the 95 theses today. because luther didn't want to split from the catholic Church, he just wanted to reform it. so it's clear he still thought the pope was cool. and purgatory. but i ignored that and was encouraged by the Truth.

i enjoyed celebrating reformation day today. it makes me want to study more reformation literature.

by Scripture alone, by faith alone, by grace alone, through Christ alone, glory to God alone!

luther threw down.

from the 95 theses:

37. Every true Christian, whether living or dead, has part in all the blessings of Christ and the Church; and this is granted him by God, even without letters of pardon.

42. Christians are to be taught that the pope does not intend the buying of pardons to be compared in any way to works of mercy.

43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better work than buying pardons;

44. Because love grows by works of love, and man becomes better; but by pardons man does not grow better, only more free from penalty.

45. Christians are to be taught that he who sees a man in need, and passes him by, and gives [his money] for pardons, purchases not the indulgences of the pope, but the indignation of God.

54. Injury is done the Word of God when, in the same sermon, an equal or a longer time is spent on pardons than on this Word.

55. It must be the intention of the pope that if pardons, which are a very small thing, are celebrated with one bell, with single processions and ceremonies, then the Gospel, which is the very greatest thing, should be preached with a hundred bells, a hundred processions, a hundred ceremonies.

79. To say that the cross, emblazoned with the papal arms, which is set up [by the preachers of indulgences], is of equal worth with the Cross of Christ, is blasphemy.

86. Again: — “Why does not the pope, whose wealth is to-day greater than the riches of the richest, build just this one church of St. Peter with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers?”

92. Away, then, with all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, “Peace, peace,” and there is no peace!

93. Blessed be all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, “Cross, cross,” and there is no cross!

94. Christians are to be exhorted that they be diligent in following Christ, their Head, through penalties, deaths, and hell;

95. And thus be confident of entering into heaven rather through many tribulations, than through the assurance of peace.

and "a mighty fortress is our God," a hymn he wrote:

1. A mighty fortress is our God,
a bulwark never failing;
our helper he amid the flood
of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great,
and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.

2. Did we in our own strength confide,
our striving would be losing,
were not the right man on our side,
the man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth, his name,
from age to age the same,
and he must win the battle.

3. And though this world, with devils filled,
should threaten to undo us,
we will not fear, for God hath willed
his truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure,
for lo, his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.

4. That word above all earthly powers,
no thanks to them, abideth;
the Spirit and the gifts are ours,
thru him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
the body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever.

i feel dirty.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:51:00 +0000

i have always been one of those people who will only read one book at a time. it bothers me to read more than one. my mind is invested in whatever i'm reading, so it's hard to invest in more than one.

somehow, i have found myself reading four books at once.

four.

here is how this slippery slope unfolded:

i started reading frankenstein. cool. my one book.

then my neighborhood group started reading a book together, so that's two. but i felt ok about it because i only read a chapter a week, and i'm doing it with other people. it's called "how people change" and it is interesting.

then...

i don't know how or why...

but i started reading a book called "lincoln and douglas: the debates that changed america." i read from every genre, but this is my first history book. i feel like i'm cheating on frankenstein. frankenstein is good, but like all classic literature...i kind of hate it, but i'm sure i will love it when i read the last few pages. i got bored with it, and started reading about lincoln. i have a pile of unread books and it was in the pile. just sitting there.

book four...

i went over to a house. these people have my dream book collection. so many different genres. quality books in each of them. i picked one up and said "were you telling me about this book? someone was." and next thing i know, it was being lent to me.

the irresistible revolution by shane clairborne.

i want to immediately rebel against anything rob bell validates, but it's good. i'm not that far into it, but i understand the thought process so far.

anyway.

i'm a literature whore. i don't know how this happened.

and if you need more material with which to mock my nerd qualities:

today i am attending a reformation day party. there will be a powerpoint presentation about church history, and then a viewing of the movie "luther." and at some point today i'm going to read the 95 theses. for fun. and because it's the anniversary of when he posted them.

happy reformation day!

buzz.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:52:00 +0000

today at work we trick-or-treated across the street at a fire/police station. it was as cute as it sounds. 100 or so kids crossing the street in their costumes, getting candy from friendly firemen, and taking pictures with fire trucks.

the costumes included:

ladybugs
lions
bees
monkeys
princesses
fairies
cheerleaders
a candy corn witch
cats
pumpkins
elmo
dinosaurs
turtle
batman
superman

so cute. kind of cliche, but definitely cute.

best moment of the day:

after the fire station visit, we crossed through the parking lot of an office building to get to a nursing home. while passing through the lot, there were 3 adult pirates. taking a smoke break. while 100 children passed.

that happened.

other cuteness:

i saw a kid in another class taking a nap in his superman costume. cape and all. the man of steel all tuckered out.

batman was in my class last year. he was walking in front of me in the costume parade, and kept looking back over his shoulder to wave at me.

but no one

no one

no one

is as cute or cool as this little girl. my niece is a flower this year.

i have a martin. it smells good.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:32:00 +0000

only something fabulous would make me post twice in a day.

this is going to be hard to articulate.

i used to play guitar. used to. i spent many evenings trying to learn the songs of one christian artist that wrote songs so beautiful i didn't always understand them. and then she left. she disappeared from the scene. just...gone. no one knows why. she just stopped making music, and no one would talk about it.

it made me really, really sad. i'd check the internet every now and then to see if she was doing anything. but i never could find anything.

but apparently...

she's back. almost. releasing new music in 2010.

jennifer knapp!

i'm kind of scared. i don't listen to christian music anymore. some of it, yes. i like songs about Jesus. but most of it makes me cringe. (separate topic people, separate topic...)

but in my mind she's always been one of the good ones. i'm afraid she won't be anymore. you know, like brett favre. he should have retired as a packer like...10 years ago. i don't want her to be brett favre. i'm also afraid that maybe that she never was any good. i listened to some bad music in my youth. i don't want her to become one of the bad ones who just throw Jesus' name into a song and don't care that the music sounds like crap.

because she's my jennifer knapp.

like i said, hard to articulate. i think i've said it before but music, for me, is not just about...the music. it's connected to my emotions, and periods of time in my life.

and where was she? i have always figured it was some sad story. not an external tragedy, but an internal one.

due to her exodus/hiatus/whatever you want to call it...i couldn't find any of my favorite songs on youtube. but i found this one. i haven't listened to it in years, but i started singing along without even thinking about it. brains are neat.

i don't have a point.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:42:00 +0000

similarities between small children and drunk people:
- the stumbling
- the running into things
- the falling down a lot
- the incoherent mumbling

similarities between small children and animals:
- the pooping at will
- the playing with the poop
- the eating off the floor
- the shredding of anything shreddable
- the lapping up of anything liquid, whether it comes from a toilet or a puddle
- the biting and fighting to survive

used to be commander in chief of my pimp ship flyin' high

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:17:00 +0000

i have a random song in my head.

it's after 10pm and i'm breaking my own rule of "no blogging after 10pm." will i regret this tomorrow?

thoughts before going to bed:

i am almost out of toilet paper, and i forgot to buy more at the store yesterday. i've had to ration it this evening. i am hoping nothing goes wrong tonight, if you know what i mean.

there's a very good chance i'll regret this post tomorrow.

also:

i've been reading more c.s. lewis quotes online tonight. for fun. i don't feel weird about saying i have a crush on a dead man anymore. maybe because it's after 10, maybe not.

he just has this way of attacking an issue from every conceivable angle. i can't finish one of his books and wonder "well what about ___" because...he already went there. he's not even my favorite because he writes about Jesus. i do love Jesus. i just like his style of writing, and his use of reason. i love that i have to read some of his sentences 10 times to grasp the meaning.

anyway. tomorrow awaits. and as c.s. lewis says:

"Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done..."

i've been sucked into watching random people cover songs on youtube. i don't know the song these people are covering, but they do a good job, yes?

i do.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:55:00 +0000

if c.s. lewis was alive and giving lectures...i think he would make me swoon like no rock star ever has.

is that weird to say?

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.

Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable.

Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.

Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.

There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them.

Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.

This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.

With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere.

you tell those spiders.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 02:53:00 +0000

i told my boss that i finally read harry potter. and she told me that her favorite character...

is professor snape.

professor snape.

oh. my. gosh.

that should tell you everything you need to know about my boss.

and for those of you who don't know anything about harry potter, that's like saruman being your favorite character in lord of the rings. and for those of you who don't know anything about lord of the rings (who are you and how are we friends?), that's like jaws being your favorite...shark.

loving professor snape is like wanting a pet shark.

oh speaking of pets, i accidentally killed our new pet fish at work. we only had it 4 days. my boss didn't give us any fish food, and i never got around to asking the other teachers for any. i think she was kind of annoyed. i just assumed since the last one lived 2 months without any food, i had some time.

meh.

i've been watching the harry potter movies. and lucius malfoy reminds me of elrond. but with blonde hair.

it's not cool.

"elrond! why are you acting like that? you're supposed to give harry the light of earendil for 'when all other lights go out', not a horcrux! wait..."

and while we're on the subject, when i read the books...i pictured dumbledore as gandalf. so the movie dumbledore seems like an imposter.

i think i just alienated 95% of my blog audience with this post.

today's recommended picks from youtube.

noreply@blogger.com (i'mthechief) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:23:00 +0000

favorite comment:

"why do you think he is screaming?"

i wondered about that too.

well played, kitty. well played.

i may have listened to "this is why i'm hot" every day for a month, a year or so ago. why youtube remembered this today, i know not.